80's Teen Movies :: the classic, the obscure & everything in between: 1985

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The Midnight Hour [1985]

"They thought vampires were a joke!"

It's the final day of school before the big October 31st bash at the old Cavender house. Resident brain Phil Grenville (Lee Montgomery) - who is patently good-looking even while donning the geeky specs - is preparing his class report on, rather appropriately, Halloween. The ghoulish holiday of All Hallow's Eve holds more significance to the townsfolk of Pitchford - or Pitchfork - Cove than your usual sleepy American town, Phil explains. Three hundred years ago to the day, one of the most powerful witches who ever lived - Lucinda Cavender - brought a terrible curse upon the town, releasing "all of the legendary demons of hell" and bringing "the dead with unfinished business back from the grave". And it was Phil's very own great-great-great-great grandfather, known as the Witch Hunter General, who put a stop to the madness, hanging the witch in the town square just hours later. But it isn't only Phil with intriguing ancestors. Classmate Melissa (Shari Belfonte) happens to be the great-granddaughter of Lucinda herself. If that doesn't sound like trouble enough then just you wait..

When Melissa, Phil and their friends Mitch (Peter DeLuise), Mary (Dedee Pfieffer) and Vinnie (LeVar Burton) learn that the town's Witchcraft Museum houses the authentic period outfits that once belonged to Lucinda and the Witch Hunter, they set about making them theirs for the costume party. Grabbing handfuls of artifacts from the museum's dusty old basement, the teenagers head over to the local cemetery, where they try on their newly-stolen costumes and rummage through the old trunk they found. Inside, they discover an ancient scroll, and without thinking twice read aloud the three hundred-year old curse. "Life to the dead, Death to the living. Demons arise". As the wind howls through the graveyard, the kids make a run for it, oblivious to the trail of destruction they've left behind. The ground writhes, the tombstones shake.. and within minutes the dead have exploded (and I mean exploded) from their graves.

As the annual Cavender house party begins to liven up, zombies, werewolves, and witch-turned-vampire Lucinda undertake in turning the town upside down, transforming the residents of Pitchford Cove into an army of the undead. But as the rotting corpses arrive at the party, nobody bats an eyelid - except for those who compliment the zombies on their impressive costumes! Meanwhile Phil is busy feeling rejected by Mary, who doesn't seem to even know he's alive. It is when Lucinda arrives that events really take a turn for the worst, as Melissa falls foul of her great-grandmother's sinister intentions and has the blood drained from her neck down in the wine cellar in a very creepy slow-mo scene set to The Smith's How Soon Is Now. The downfall begins here for the party guests..

Elsewhere, Phil has left the Cavender house and it seems that he isn't the only one feeling down when he notices a sullen-faced cheerleader (who he had briefly met earlier that evening) named Sandy sitting alone in the town square. When he stops to ask what's wrong, the somewhat mysterious but pretty girl replies; "everything". She explains that nothing in the town is as it used to be and Phil - who seems even more confused than the troubled girl - tries his hand at comforting her. They go for a drive and Sandy suggests they stop by the malt shop for a chocolate ice-cream soda, again baffling poor Phil, who follows Sandy's directions which lead them not to a malt shop, but a movie theatre. "Who would've believed it", the cheerleader says. "Five movie theatres crammed into what used to be the malt shop". Further puzzled, Phil wonders when on earth the girl could have possibly lived in Pitchford Cove - for all he remembers there was never a malt shop in the town. They share a dance instead and Sandy proposes they drive to the supposedly "hoppin'" Lookout Point. The romantic interlude is interrupted when the car is attacked by a wolf.. a werewolf.

Being Halloween, the police are having none of it. Phil, whose suit was shredded in the attack, pleads with the cynical officers who discuss the night's reports of zombies; husbands transforming into bats; the museum break-in and the vandalism of the graveyard. "Werewolves, zombies, vampires and little green men add up to.. lets all have fun with the cops. I got your report. Happy Halloween". It is then up to Phil and Sandy to somehow reverse the ancient curse and send the roaming evil back to where they came from. But before the night is through Phil will finally discover what makes Sandy such a curious girl.

VERDICT: ★★★★

The Midnight Hour is one of the most enjoyable made-for-television movies of all time, not to mention one of the greatest films to watch during the Halloween season. It perfectly encapsulates everything that is brilliant about the time of year: fun, mystery and fright. It has a nice familiarity too - reminding you of when you were a kid and dreamed of having an awesome adventure with your friends - very similar to the feeling you get when watching The Goonies. The film rests on the very fine line of being suitable for both adults and children and this is a rare thing for Halloween-set movies. Nobody is sliced-and-diced and we aren't bombarded with boobs, and while there are mildly sexual situations and some genuinely frightening moments (which would decidedly scare the crap out of a younger child), the film expertly spans across the age groups. From the tongue-in-cheek and madly misplaced Thriller-like dance routine to the ghastly sight of unfortunate victims being pounded on the head with rocks(!), there is something to entertain everyone, and is anything but tame for a television movie. Not forgetting the romance between Phil and Sandy, doomed from the word go and enough to tug on even the least sentimental of heartstrings.

Phil is your classic antihero; the geek, the nerd, the nobody. It just seems typical for this poor lad - who has just fallen in love and saved the world in the process (WAY TO GO PHIL!) - to discover that this incredible girl is actually one of the undead. You can't help but feel sympathetic towards the guy as he watches Sandy and the rest of her kind disappear into thin air, leaving him with only a memory of the night's unbelievable events - a memory only he can argue ever happened.

The Midnight Hour is the crème de la crème of Halloween flicks and will make you love the season even more than you already do.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

01. Clap For The Wolfman - The Guess Who
02. The Midnight Hour - Wilson Pickett
03. Sea of Love - Phil Phillips
04. How Soon Is Now - The Smiths
05. Devil or Angel - Bobby Vee
06. Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival
07. Little Red Riding Hood - Sam the Sham and The Pharaohs
08. Get Dead - Shari Belafonte
09. Mama Told Me Not To Come - Three Dog Night
10. Sea Of Love - Del Shannon

Hot Resort [1985]

"Where anything you want is everything you get"

The fat kid, the nerd, the wannabe comedian and the cool kid who travels with only a suitcase full of rubber johnnies. For the next 90 minutes, the mayhem and mischief is on them, as they begin their summer jobs at a luxury Caribbean beach resort. Cut to the pudgy and dis-likable owner of Royal St. Kitts and his scary managerial sidekick, who are ready to enforce a "maximum discipline" regime upon the new staff. With only one thing on their minds, the lads are unimpressed when they are descended upon by the raging manager, Mr Martin, who orders them to put their little peckers on hold or face the consequences. The idea of not getting laid for the entire summer isn't well-received. "Weren't you in a movie with Fay Wray?!", the kids joke.

Among the first guests to arrive are a wacky elderly couple, a sex-crazed guy and gal who are busy bonking in every scene we see them in, a couple of good-looking broads, and lastly (and most ghastly!), a busload of preppies from Ramsey college rowing squad. Calling themselves "The Typhoons", the repulsively snooty team get a taste of their own medicine when the lads on staff are required to move their luggage upstairs.. And move it they do - right over the balcony! And so begins a long-running war between the Ramsey college rats and our four central characters.

Marty (Tom Parsekian), contraception king is thrilled when he delivers room service to the two lovelies he'd met earlier in the day, and straight away has eyes for Liza, the brunette, and leaves the suite betting 20 bucks with geek of the gang, Kenny, that he can score. He soon learns that he isn't the only one after Liza, and the competition for her heart is on between him and leader of the Ramsey preps. And Marty is off to a bad start when Lizas' best friend Franny is eager to hook up with the rowing team.

Much to his surprise, the first to get lucky is chubby, happy-go-lucky Chuck (Dan Schneider) who is pounced on by the hot-to-trot hotel cleaner. Meanwhile, Marty spots Liza and Franny by the pool and lays on the charm, and it seems to be working a treat, until two pompous Ramsey idiots crash the scene. Their ego-trip ends in defeat when they shove Marty into the water and in a quick-thinking act of revenge he grabs the college morons and yanks them in too! When news of the incident gets back to the wrathful Mr Martin, he has plenty to lecture Marty about - after all, the rowing squad are the most filthy-rich of all the guests at St. Kitts.. and you know.. "the guests are always right". Overworked and unhappy, wisecracking Brad (Bronson Pinchot) is sacked on the spot when arguing the innocence of his friend. Lead by Marty - who has had it up to here with the whole shebang - the entire summer staff throw two fingers up to Mr Martin and quit.

Before long the hotel is overrun. With no other option, the guys are all given their jobs back.. But the terms are different this time around. A film crew who have chosen the resort as the setting for their tacky soup commercial are in need of a rival team to race the Typhoons, offering the summer staff a whopping 200 bucks a pop for rowing. That leaves Mr Martin to whip the guys into shape - and he's about to make it his personal goal to kick the asses of each and every upper class Ramsey bonehead. Marty has other ideas.. and they're unfolding well as he and Liza finally get closer.

Before the race gets underway, there is one final crazy escapade in store for Marty, Chuck, Brad and Kenny, as they're sent off on a "babysitting" mission.. Although it isn't kids they're looking after - but a dirty old pensioner, who sends them cruising for chicks in his classy automobile! Naturally, they succeed in scooping four sunbathing beauties, ditch the old man, and drop in at the hottest party on the island.

Can they make it back in one piece and smash the over-inflated egos of the Ramsey Typhoons? Will Marty and Liza hook up? And will that randy couple puh-lease put some clothes on?!

VERDICT: ★★

Hot Resort! Finally Cannon churn out a movie - albeit a bad one - that isn't entirely nonsensical! The subject is well-worn, the gags are few and far between, and all the sun in the Caribbean couldn't make the movie any less dull.. That said, it could be much worse. It also teaches you how to smuggle through customs a "grass skirt" made of joints. Ingenious huh? So we've got to give it at least a little bit of credit.

The movie never reaches the same level of zany crudeness as, say, Summer Job, but follows the same basic set up. If it was somehow pulled off in a less drab of a manner - take out the god damn soup commercial subplot and the bizarre, unnecessary appearance by Frank Gorshin, you'd be left with a good old fashioned tale of good guys beating the bad guys and the guy getting the girl. It could be better, it could be worse, but memorable? No dice!

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [trailer]

SOUNDTRACK:

Nothing joyous to speak of, and we all know how essential it is for beach movies to have rockin' soundtracks! Another aspect that unfortunately lets this flick down.

1. Obsession - Dave Powell
2. Body Shop - Dave Powell
3. Love Bites - Dave Powell
4. Welcome to the Party - Dave Powell
5. Get Me to the Show on Time - Dave Powell
6. She Don't Know Me - Ken Brown

Hot Chili [1985]

"It's wild, wet, sexy, and dirty!"

Bikini-clad beauties, Mexican sunshine.. "we are in for a very nice summer". Perhaps Ricky, Jason, Arnold and Stanley would have thought twice had they seen the prehistoric sleeping quarters they're about to be confined to for the rest of their stay at the Hotel Hacienda Habana Cabana. Things go from bad to worse when the guys meet Senor Esteban Rodriguez Cortez "The Turd" - the pushy and somewhat insane owner of the resort who takes an immediate dislike to the teens. By day two our over-worked, downtrodden heroes are at wits end.. but their outlook is about to change - enter Chi Chi (Louisa Moritz), the buxom blond chef.. who prefers to wear nothing but an apron in the kitchen! "Boys, boys, don't leave Chi Chi alone! Chi Chi will be very sad if you boys go!". Looks like things are on the up for our lads!

Blatant unintentional puns aside, we seem to be lacking something here. You've not been formally introduced to the boys! So we have Arney, obligatory funny fat kid; the helplessly romantic-at-heart Ricky; Jason, the self-assured hunk, and - another genre staple - Stanley, the bumbling nerd.

Before we delve into a drawn-out observation of the plot, let me just warn you: there isn't one.

The next portion - make that the rest - of the movie is made up of the many and mostly obscene encounters which our four awkwardly randy teens run into with the resort guests. The dorky kid, Stanley, occupies ten of our ninety minutes carrying luggage and getting lost around the hotel with a woman who ends up slapping him in the face as a result of his uselessness. Ricky has a chance meeting with a musician who spends the entire film buck naked (lost her suitcase at the airport, maybe?!), and after a few minutes of groping, heads off to another room to find the girl he later "falls in love" with. A kooky elderly honeymoon couple leave Jason to babysit for their granddaughter who - unbeknown to him, up until he walks in on her in the shower and receives a punch on the nose - is actually a buxom twenty-something. And, would you believe it, Arney is actually working.

Next in line is a run in with an outrageous German dominatrix whose husband appears and chases Arney around the resort in nothing but his underwear. Chi Chi the chef and a now-clothed musician catfight over Ricky, resulting in the pair (all-too conveniently) accidentally tearing off one anothers' clothes. And, to Rickys' dismay, his family turn up.

To follow is copious amounts of nudity and all the more moronic rendezvous which are best left to the imagination. The movie ends with a ravenous Nazi husband hunting Arney, who only escapes by dressing in Mexican drag.

VERDICT: ★★

Made by the Cannon, producers of the Lemon Popsicle series, Hot Chili could be labelled as a raunchy follow up movie to The Last American Virgin (which in itself is an American remake of Lemon Popsicle). As the case may be, being as kind as to use the expression "follow up" is something I should slap my own wrists for. "Rip-off" would be the correct term. Hot Chili even goes as far as unashamedly stealing a specific scene and rehashing it to such identical proportions that you can barely tell the difference. But it doesn't stop there. We have Joe Rubbo back again, playing - aside from the name - the same character. Add in the kinky blond with the accent, Louisa Moritz, and it is impossible not to think that The Last American Virgin has been robbed. Not only does Hot Chili suffer due to all its aforementioned thieving, it plainly lifts more plot from ANOTHER Cannon production - released only six months before Chili - Hot Resort. Subsequently, it seems Cannon is layer upon shanghaied layer of Cannon.

Filthy fun in the sun without the slightest hint of modesty, Chili clearly never intended to A) deliver an intelligent and original plot, B) teach us any valuable life lessons and C) shy away from being branded as some sort of zany softcore porn. Extra star for being Joe Rubbos' only movie besides Virgin.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [trailer]

SOUNDTRACK:

No official soundtrack in existence, but these are the tracks used in the movie. Notice Cannon stealing from themselves yet again, using theme music from both Breakin' and Rappin'!

1. She Don't Know Me - Ken Brown
2. Mad Enough - Ken Brown
3. Because We're Young - Ken Brown
4. A Little Affection - Ken Brown
5. Help Help - Ken Brown
6. All I Want is Everything - Stephen Feldman
7. Get Me To The Show - David Powell
8. Body Shop - David Powell
9. What Kind Of Girl Are You? - George Griffin
10. Snapshot - Airpocket
11. El Amante Triste - Bruce Scott
12. Jamaica Sun - Bruce Scott
13. Best Of life - Bruce Scott
14. Let The Spirit Move Ya - Ron Wright-Scherr
15. Tango from "Breakin'"
16. Theme from "Rappin'"
17. Kissin' Rocko's Girlfriend - Steve Feldman

Fast Forward [1985]

"When you've got one shot at the top you've got to move"

The Adventurous Eight - a group of (how many? Err, eight!) teenagers from a small town in Ohio who crave stardom so badly that they spend their spare time rehearsing their home made songs and dance routines in a locked up old building after knocking off from school each day. But in the smallest towns lie the biggest of dreams, and these eight kids have all the determination and drive they need to take them all the way to the top. But getting there is the hard part.

A reluctant promise of an audition from a bigshot dance exec leads the kids to the Big - and mean - Apple, but on arrival at the company headquarters they are greeted by some unexpected and unfortunate news. The very guy who had promised them an audition had not only left the dance business, but died! Having travelled all the way to New York City, the Adventurous Eight refuse to be rejected, and the two (and only) male members of the group - Matt and Michael - take the situation into their own hands and try a bit of pleading. Begging the new company owner to give them a shot, he eventually gives in, telling them to audition in two weeks time. Bad news! None of the teens had banked on staying for that long, neither did they have enough cash in their pockets to. But giving in so easily isn't an option..

The kids come to the decision that the only way of making it is to stay and show the world what they're made of. So they rent a rather squalid apartment, spruce it up, and assemble a plan to raise enough money to live on until the day of the big audition. Step one: crashing a swank restaurant to showcase their moves. Miraculously, their routine leads to a standing ovation from the wealthy diners, who proceed to throw their money at the talented gang.

Over the next couple of weeks, the Adventurous Eight continue to raise money by any means possible: passing out business cards; dancing in front of crowds on the streets; you name it. But all work and no play isn't a phrase in the teenagers' dictionary and with the chance to hit the clubs and check out a famous dance hotspot, they can't resist. What they don't realize is that word has gotten out of their talents and a local badass dance crew ain't too happy about their presence. Time for a dance battle, baby! Only, this is one battle the small town country kids are destined to lose.

On a downer after being upstaged by the fresh dancers at 'The Zoo', and well aware that their audition day will soon be arriving, the Adventurous Eight vow to step up their act. And what that calls for is practice, practice, practice. Will they be able to get their own back and not die from embarrassment this time around?

Impressing the club-goers isn't their number one priority, and next in line is their shot at the big time with Sabel Industries. Turning up for their anxiously awaited audition, the kids face another huge knock-back when they are rejected once again, and in spite of the verbal contract between them and the company owner, it turns out to be yet another false promise. Furious that they have been deceived, a persistent Matt and Michael conspire one final plot which is to be their last lifeline on the road to fame. Will they make it to the huge Sabel talent contest? And will all their blood, sweat and tears pay off in the end?

VERDICT: ★★★ ½

Woah! What's this movie called again? Loose Footed Teenagers in Spandex Just Want to Have Fun While Pursuing Fame and Dancing Flashly But Not So Dirtily 2: Electric Boogaloo? Oh no. I got a little confused there.

We all know that the wondrous '80s pumped out a multitude of dance movies. I mean, there are just so many of the damn things that they are in a universe of their own. Fast Forward is one that is very rarely mentioned, even among geeks of the genre. Although it is nothing you haven't seen before, it's a shamelessly enjoyable romp about wearing leg warmers and making your dreams come true. It has the obligatory dance battle, the fixing up of a run-down building, the whole "we can make it no matter what" attitude. You just can't match flicks like these (not these days, anyway). Inevitably, you've gotta cringe through some corny bits of acting, but on a whole that side of things is a lot more bearable than you'd expect.

A harmless bit of fun, complete with a generous amount of staple '80s fashions and fads, a plot that can never be taken too seriously, and a guy dressed as Boy George.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

Only one complaint to make about the soundtrack. In fact, the soundtrack isn't at fault here - the movie only features a few seconds of Siedah Garrett's Do You Want It Right Now. Hands down, the best track in the entire movie. Breakin' Out isn't too far behind in terms of awesomeness, though.

1. Breakin' Out - Deco
2. Do You Want It Right Now - Siedah Garrett
3. Long as We Believe - Siedah Garrett & David Swanson
4. Curves - Deco
5. Taste - Deco
6. Showdown - Pulse
7. Survive - Deco
8. Fast Forward - Deco

Breaking All The Rules [1985]

"She's got one last day to do everything one last time!"

For the third summer in a row, Jack Fleming (Carl Marotte) is busy working at the local amusement park. But, seeing as it's the last day of summer, he's determined to live it up with best pal David (Thor Bishopric), who he sets out to find. But on the way, he spots the gorgeous Debbie, who he has a hard time forgetting.

The outrageous sixteen year old Debbie is also on a mission to make the last day of summer worthwhile, and after reinventing her image by chopping off her hair and spiking it up, is off to meet best friend Angie. On arrival at the bus stop, Debbie's drastically different appearance manages to fool even her best friend, who has to look twice before managing to identify her! It's on the bus that the girls first spot Jack and David, who they later meet up with at the fun park.

When the four do bump into each other at the park, Jack has no idea that Debbie is the same girl he had seen hours earlier and fallen madly in love with. Put off by her punky look, he decides to take a crack at Angie and forces the shy David to spend his time with Debbie. Both of the girls, however, have an eye for Jack, who shows off by winning them both stuffed toys. But after spending some time with him, Angie realises that the wild Jack isn't her type at all. Similarly, Debbie finds David's company so boring that he almost drives her mad. So the girls and boys swap dates.

As it turns out, the loudmouth Debbie is just the girl for Jack, and David's charms are just what Angie is after. The two couples have a blast in the amusement park and as the sun goes down, things get wilder.

In comes the obligatory '80s subplot involving hapless criminals! Enter Babyface, Patty and Harry - possibly the World's most brainless jewel thieves! Having hidden a diamond inside a stuffed toy earlier in the day, they set out to retrieve it, only to find the toy - and diamond - gone. So begins the mad chase to track down the thousands of dollars worth of rock and of course, the four unsuspecting teenagers are dragged right into the middle of it.

To everyone's surprise, Debbie's stuffed toy is the one containing the diamond, and the kids - following many a madcap chase scenes and a breakdancing contest - manage to end their summers with a bang.. Quite literally.

VERDICT: ★★★ ½

Okay, four teenagers hanging about in a theme park for the day is hardly the most action-packed of storylines, even when a bunch of criminals are thrown into the mix! But miraculously, this little-known Canadian gem is a cheery, kitschy and altogether stellar effort from the New World Pictures team.

From one scene to the next, Breaking All the Rules is packed with laughs and unforgettable moments that - while not creditable for any amount of classiness - will provoke a lot of grins and giggles. From Carolyn Dunn's unmistakably '80s outfits to the comical fantasy/dream sequence (an '80s b-movie staple), if you can disregard the oh so mandatory imbecilic subplot, you'll find yourself enjoying what you see. New World aren't all bad, and neither is Breaking All The Rules. To be honest, it's pretty freakin' terrific.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

It isn't any wonder that the flick was never entitled to its own soundtrack, though some of the tunes are great, especially the classic freestyle tune 'Let the Music Play' by Shannon. The tracklisting for the movie is the following:

1. Manish Bay - Muddy Waters
2. Kid Blue - Louise Goffin
3. Now and Then - The Shoes
4. Breaking All the Rules - Paul Booth
5. Get Up - Paul Booth
6. Fun Park - Paul Booth
7. It's Gettin' Hot in Here - Pieces of a Dream
8. Stop Foolin' Around - Yvonne Murray
9. That's My Girl - Stephen Ritchie
10. Let The Music Play - Shannon

Girls Just Want to Have Fun [1985]

"That's all they really want!"

Teenager Janey (Sarah Jessica Parker) has a love for one thing and one thing only: dancing. With her sights set on becoming a star, her luck is in when her family relocate to Chicago - home to none other than the after school dance phenomenon DTV.

Within no time at all, Janey - all too familiar with moving from one school to another - meets the outrageous Dance TV fanatic Lynne (Helen Hunt), and together they plan to showcase their talents in the upcoming DTV auditions. This is it. Now or never. Janey's big break. Well, it would be if it wasn't for her uptight, military obsessed father who is dead against the idea.

Friday arrives. It's the day of the auditions. Lynne is buzzing with excitement, that is, until Janey coughs up the courage to admit she won't be auditioning. But - in a change of heart - her enormous passion for dancing shines through and, ignoring the words of her dad, hops onto the bus downtown.

They arrive, nearly being run down by the spoilt daddy's girl Natalie in the process. Lynne shows a bit of attitude and puts Natalie's nose right out of joint, only leading to disaster later on when - during Lynne's audition - she is shoved around by her dance partner and made to look a fool of in front of the judges, who immediately disqualify her. Lyn and Janey smell a rat and their suspicions are confirmed when they spot the conniving Natalie, who - having schemed up the entire catastrophic audition - is busy paying off Lynne's dance partner for his crafty endeavor. And so begins a continuous battle between the three dance hopefuls!

Having made it through the first round, Janey is paired up with the motorbike riding rebel, Jeff (Lee Montgomery) - who couldn't be more different from the happy-go-lucky Catholic schoolgirl. Clashing nonstop throughout their first rehearsal, things are looking pretty hopeless. But, unsurprisingly, it doesn't take long for the two opposites to attract.

Soon, news has circulated of a party - to be precise, the bratty Natalie's debutantes ball. What better way for Janey and Lynne spread a bit of revenge than by crashing the party! Printing out hundreds of copies of invitations, they invite some of the wackiest, punkiest, scariest looking kids in town, and watch from a distance as the sophisticated gathering is trashed from top to bottom!

Janey and Jeff have become the perfect couple by now, dancing their way to the live DTV final. Things don't come easy though, of course, when Jeff is threatened by Natalie's millionaire father: lose the competition or have your father lose his job. To make things worse, Janey is caught sneaking home from her and Jeff's dance practice late at night and is grounded by her furious father. But will they give in at the last hurdle, or will they make it to DTV? And more importantly - will they win?

VERDICT: ★★★ ½

Girls Just Want to Have Fun is one of the more recognisable New World Pictures flicks - maybe because of the famous faces; Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt and Shannen Doherty, or simply because it is an enjoyable '80s dance movie. Either way, New World managed to whip up a nice little time capsule of music, dancing and fashions, with a cliched, fluffy, but grin inducing plot. Shannen Doherty with her screechy, squeaky voice in the role of Jeff's little sister is particularly brilliant, as is Helen Hunt's outfits and feathered hair towards the end of the movie.

The words 'classic' and 'definitive' are often used when referring to GJWTHF, though countless other dance movies of the '80s are just as good. However, if you haven't seen it, pop it on one day and go crashing back to '85 as soon as the title rolls up on screen. Without a doubt, worthy of your time.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [trailer]

SOUNDTRACK:

The soundtrack was released along with the movie in 1985, on cassette and LP. CD copies were apparently pressed in Germany, too, and are now extremely sought after as a lot of the songs in the movie are difficult to track down. The Deborah Galli/Tami Holbrook/Meredith Marshall cover of 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun' is lacking in energy and doesn't hold a candle to Cyndi Lauper, but isn't bad. Lauper refused to make any appearance in the movie or on the soundtrack as she believed it'd scar her career - though her 1988 movie Vibes is no better than this flick.

1. (Come On) Shout! - Alex Brown
2. On the Loose - Chris Farren
3. I Can Fly - Rainey
4. Dancing In Heaven (Orbital Be-Bop) - Q-Feel
5. Girls Just Want to Have Fun - Deborah Galli feat. Tami Holbrook & Meredith Marshall
6. Dancing In the Street - Animotion
7. Too Cruel - Amy Hart
8. Technique - Rainey
9. Wake Up the Neighborhood - Holland

Yet another scarce but superbly '80s soundtrack that helps make the movie what it is. Should you find it in amongst someones record collection, steal it!

Heaven Help Us AKA Catholic Boys [1985]

"For the boys of St. Basil's it's easier to be a sinner than a saint"

Brooklyn, 1965. With their parents both dead, Michael Dunn (Andrew McCarthy) and his little sister Boo have been shipped off to live with their grandparents. Being Irish-Catholic, the grandparents have Michael enroll at a strict Roman-Catholic school, St. Basil's, with dreams of him becoming a priest. Michael has other ideas.

Becoming friends with Caesar - an overweight kid with the best grades in the class - Michael is helped to catch up with his school work and the two spend some time hanging out. Being the butt of a thousand jokes, Caesar is often targeted by the underachieving class bully Rooney (Kevin Dillon), who soon decides to pick on Michael, too.

During an English-lit class taught by the intimidating Brother Constance, Rooney sneakily removes the screws from Caesar's desk. It collapses, leaving Caesar on the floor and Brother Constance outraged. Having noticed Rooney in the midst of the prank, Michael whispers an apology to Caesar. Constance overhears, demanding Michael confess the perpetrator of the hijinks, and when he refuses, is hit several times with a wooden paddle. Rooney grins and Michael lunges towards him, with the both of them being sent to the headmaster (Donald Sutherland).

Impressed that Michael refused to rat him out even after a beating, Rooney attempts to become friends, giving him an ultimatum; "I gotta save face. If I don't make you my friend, that means i'll have to kick your ass every time I see you". Disinclined to associate himself with the class menace, but neither too keen on constant altercations, Michael gives in. It isn't long before he is one of the gang, and along with the sex-obsessed Williams (Stephen Geoffreys, who funnily enough, became a porn star in the early '90s), the quiet-guy Corbett (Patrick Dempsey) and soon a reluctant Caesar, the five hang out at the local soda fountain run by the troubled high school dropout Danni (Mary Stewart Masterson).

During a school field trip, Rooney and the gang sneak off to a movie theatre to see the Elvis film, Blue Hawaii, but are discovered by Brother Constance. As a result, the guys are instructed to clean the St. Basil's statue, which they do so every Sunday from then on.

After frequent visits to the soda fountain, Michael and Danni become close and visit Coney Island where they share a kiss in the rain and whilst at the local hangout, Rooney and the boys suspect something is going on between the two of them. The soda fountain is then raided by Brothers from the school, but Danni, having had enough of their frequent harassment, locks them out and closes the blinds. The Brothers then discuss the whole episode over dinner and decide to report Danni to social services, who arrive soon after, carting her and her mentally-ill father away.

Michael is absolutely shattered by Danni's departure and, knowing it was work of the Brothers, Rooney, Williams, Corbett and Caesar decide to get their own back. The next day at school there is a huge assembly, after the St. Basil's statue is vandalized and, during the assembly, Rooney presents Michael with the head of the statue in a duffel bag. Brother Constance hurries towards the five boys, knowing it was their handywork, and orders them out of the hall. He locks them in a cupboard until they are brought into the gym and forced to admit who took part in the vandalizing. When all five refuse to tell, Brother Constance lashes Corbett and Williams, but when calling Caesar up to the belt, he pleads not to be hit. This only frustrates Constance further, who grabs Caesar, dragging him along the floor, lashing him as he does so. Michael by this point has seen enough, shoving Brother Constance to the floor and runs from the gym, with Constance and the boys close behind.

Spilling out into the assembly hall where Headmaster Thadeus is busy delivering a speech to the students, Constance hits Michael, cutting his face. Michael throws a mighty punch at Constance, and he is knocked off his feet to the sound of applause and cheering from the entire student body.

Brother Constance loses his job, and to their satisfaction, the boys are suspended for two weeks. The film ends with a couple of minutes narration from Rooney, who describes where the five of them end up.

VERDICT: ★★★★ ½

Heaven Help Us is another of those really underrated movies that, for one reason or another, never hit it big. With names like Kevin Dillon, Andrew McCarthy, Patrick Dempsey and Donald Sutherland, how can you go wrong. It has just the right mix of comedy and drama, though definitely not for those dead-against corporal punishment.

Whereas many 'period' flicks are way too over the top, kitschy and unrealistic, Heaven Help Us is a pretty damn accurate portrayal of a '60s Catholic school (although some spoilsports argue that, of course). Apparently, the film is based on partially true events, although i'm not too sure of the amount of truth in that statement. Whether it is fact or complete fiction, it's a brilliant movie that I would definitely recommend to those who haven't seen it. All I will say is that the quick exit of Mary Stewart Masterson's character is a bit of a shame and maybe that storyline should have been extended. Director's cut? Yes please!

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

For both the original and bootleg soundtracks, I can't seem to find a track listing anywhere, and so i'm unaware of what music was actually on them. The tracks used in the movie, however, are the following:

1. Hallelujah Chorus - The Roches

2. I've Been Loving You Too Long - Otis Redding
3. Blue Suede Shoes - Elvis Presley
4. Hawaiian Wedding Song - Elvis Presley
5. My Girl - the Temptations
6. Come See About Me - The Supremes
7. I Can't Help Myself - The Four Tops
8. Ooh Baby Baby - Smokey Robinson & the Miracles
9. Shotgun - Junior Walker & the All Stars
10. Dancing in the Street - Martha & the Vandellas
11. Ain't That Peculiar - Marvin Gaye
12. Blue Velvet - Bobby Vinton
13. Wooly Bully - Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs
14. Tutti Frutti - Little Richard
15. Dominique - The Singing Nun
16. Marche Militaire, op.51, #1, 2, and 3 - Franz Schubert
17. Largo al Factotum - Giachinno Rossini
18. Clarinet Polka - Joey Schmidt, Lawrence Welk & Myron Floren

The soundtrack is the perfect mix of feel-good '60s tunes, and original Irish folk score written by James Horner. When watching you'll notice a couple of the James Horner tracks are identical to those used in Titanic. The original soundtrack is very, very rare, which makes sense of the large amount of bootlegs that have been floating around in the past ten or so years.