"Where anything you want is everything you get"
The fat kid, the nerd, the wannabe comedian and the cool kid who travels with only a suitcase full of rubber johnnies. For the next 90 minutes, the mayhem and mischief is on them, as they begin their summer jobs at a luxury Caribbean beach resort. Cut to the pudgy and dis-likable owner of Royal St. Kitts and his scary managerial sidekick, who are ready to enforce a "maximum discipline" regime upon the new staff. With only one thing on their minds, the lads are unimpressed when they are descended upon by the raging manager, Mr Martin, who orders them to put their little peckers on hold or face the consequences. The idea of not getting laid for the entire summer isn't well-received. "Weren't you in a movie with Fay Wray?!", the kids joke.
Among the first guests to arrive are a wacky elderly couple, a sex-crazed guy and gal who are busy bonking in every scene we see them in, a couple of good-looking broads, and lastly (and most ghastly!), a busload of preppies from Ramsey college rowing squad. Calling themselves "The Typhoons", the repulsively snooty team get a taste of their own medicine when the lads on staff are required to move their luggage upstairs.. And move it they do - right over the balcony! And so begins a long-running war between the Ramsey college rats and our four central characters.
Marty (Tom Parsekian), contraception king is thrilled when he delivers room service to the two lovelies he'd met earlier in the day, and straight away has eyes for Liza, the brunette, and leaves the suite betting 20 bucks with geek of the gang, Kenny, that he can score. He soon learns that he isn't the only one after Liza, and the competition for her heart is on between him and leader of the Ramsey preps. And Marty is off to a bad start when Lizas' best friend Franny is eager to hook up with the rowing team.
Among the first guests to arrive are a wacky elderly couple, a sex-crazed guy and gal who are busy bonking in every scene we see them in, a couple of good-looking broads, and lastly (and most ghastly!), a busload of preppies from Ramsey college rowing squad. Calling themselves "The Typhoons", the repulsively snooty team get a taste of their own medicine when the lads on staff are required to move their luggage upstairs.. And move it they do - right over the balcony! And so begins a long-running war between the Ramsey college rats and our four central characters.
Marty (Tom Parsekian), contraception king is thrilled when he delivers room service to the two lovelies he'd met earlier in the day, and straight away has eyes for Liza, the brunette, and leaves the suite betting 20 bucks with geek of the gang, Kenny, that he can score. He soon learns that he isn't the only one after Liza, and the competition for her heart is on between him and leader of the Ramsey preps. And Marty is off to a bad start when Lizas' best friend Franny is eager to hook up with the rowing team.
Much to his surprise, the first to get lucky is chubby, happy-go-lucky Chuck (Dan Schneider) who is pounced on by the hot-to-trot hotel cleaner. Meanwhile, Marty spots Liza and Franny by the pool and lays on the charm, and it seems to be working a treat, until two pompous Ramsey idiots crash the scene. Their ego-trip ends in defeat when they shove Marty into the water and in a quick-thinking act of revenge he grabs the college morons and yanks them in too! When news of the incident gets back to the wrathful Mr Martin, he has plenty to lecture Marty about - after all, the rowing squad are the most filthy-rich of all the guests at St. Kitts.. and you know.. "the guests are always right". Overworked and unhappy, wisecracking Brad (Bronson Pinchot) is sacked on the spot when arguing the innocence of his friend. Lead by Marty - who has had it up to here with the whole shebang - the entire summer staff throw two fingers up to Mr Martin and quit.
Before long the hotel is overrun. With no other option, the guys are all given their jobs back.. But the terms are different this time around. A film crew who have chosen the resort as the setting for their tacky soup commercial are in need of a rival team to race the Typhoons, offering the summer staff a whopping 200 bucks a pop for rowing. That leaves Mr Martin to whip the guys into shape - and he's about to make it his personal goal to kick the asses of each and every upper class Ramsey bonehead. Marty has other ideas.. and they're unfolding well as he and Liza finally get closer.
Before the race gets underway, there is one final crazy escapade in store for Marty, Chuck, Brad and Kenny, as they're sent off on a "babysitting" mission.. Although it isn't kids they're looking after - but a dirty old pensioner, who sends them cruising for chicks in his classy automobile! Naturally, they succeed in scooping four sunbathing beauties, ditch the old man, and drop in at the hottest party on the island.
Can they make it back in one piece and smash the over-inflated egos of the Ramsey Typhoons? Will Marty and Liza hook up? And will that randy couple puh-lease put some clothes on?!
VERDICT: ★★
Hot Resort! Finally Cannon churn out a movie - albeit a bad one - that isn't entirely nonsensical! The subject is well-worn, the gags are few and far between, and all the sun in the Caribbean couldn't make the movie any less dull.. That said, it could be much worse. It also teaches you how to smuggle through customs a "grass skirt" made of joints. Ingenious huh? So we've got to give it at least a little bit of credit.
The movie never reaches the same level of zany crudeness as, say, Summer Job, but follows the same basic set up. If it was somehow pulled off in a less drab of a manner - take out the god damn soup commercial subplot and the bizarre, unnecessary appearance by Frank Gorshin, you'd be left with a good old fashioned tale of good guys beating the bad guys and the guy getting the girl. It could be better, it could be worse, but memorable? No dice!
IMAGES/VIDEOS: [trailer]
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SOUNDTRACK:
Nothing joyous to speak of, and we all know how essential it is for beach movies to have rockin' soundtracks! Another aspect that unfortunately lets this flick down.
1. Obsession - Dave Powell
2. Body Shop - Dave Powell
3. Love Bites - Dave Powell
4. Welcome to the Party - Dave Powell
5. Get Me to the Show on Time - Dave Powell
6. She Don't Know Me - Ken Brown
"Dance Until You Drop!"
