80's Teen Movies :: the classic, the obscure & everything in between: beach

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Aloha Summer [1988]

"There's a time in everyone's life that changes them forever. For six friends, it's this summer."

The year is 1959, the place; Hawaii. Summer vacation has just begun and a handful of very different families are headed to the island to spend the next few weeks in the sunshine. What none of them yet realize is just how big a part they will each play in one another's lives, and that by the time their stay draws to a close they will always remember the summer of '59.

The film largely follows shy teenager Mike Tognetti (Chris Makepeace), whose family have just arrived at the "Paradise Inn" - a hotel that doesn't quite live up to its name. To kill his blues, Mike heads for the beach and in his hunt for sea and sand, meets Chuck Granville (Don Michael Paul), a self-confident ladies man who quickly finds use for Mike's camera and all of the surrounding bikini-clad beach babes. Smooth-talking Chuck persuades the girls to join them for a get-together later that night, which is when they meet a group of local teens who at first do not greet the Americans with much welcome. "There's no room for you here - go back to the mainland, haole!". Nevertheless, Mike and Chuck become friends with two of the group; surfers Jerry and Kilarney, who are eager to pass their wave-riding skills onto their new found pals. Surfing is what introduces the guys to Scott and Kenzo - the final two members of their summer gang.

Trouble begins when Chuck falls for the beautiful Lani (Tia Carrere), a local girl whose brother is the over-protective sort. So much so, in fact, that obsessing over the welfare of his younger sister later results in unforseen tragedy. While Chuck and his slick moves have Lani under his spell, bumbling Mike is pining for the attention of the most unattainable of girls - Amanda; she's pretty, she's blonde, and she's Chuck's sister. Picking up effective pick-up lines are the least of the guy's troubles however when one of the gang staggers through the dark with his face covered in bruises having just had it out with a vicious group of sailors. With the beach as their battleground, the teenagers fight to reclaim respect and, well, just to get even with the racist "swabbies".

A divide forms between the teen's parents when the families all meet up at a formal dinner. The Granvilles and Tognetti's - both American - find it impossible to socialize with their non-white counterparts, the air thick with preconceptions. The tension is lifted when the teenagers, already close friends (to their parent's unease), band together for the evening. Romantic sparks fly between Amanda and Mike and Chuck and Lani, with both couples sharing a kiss.

Further sun-and-surf interludes precede a humour-filled adventure in Kilarney's convertible, resulting in the guys being arrested for driving while under the influence. The jokes stop here for each youngster, whose parents are especially unimpressed when forced to pay bail. It is Kenzo who receives the brunt of the punishment when his fierce and overbearing father insists on teaching his son a lesson.

Events take a dramatic turn when Lani's brother, bitter over his sister's involvement with Chuck, foolishly attempts to rectify the situation. His plans to scare Chuck away for good with the help of a handgun culminate in a scuffle in which Lani's brother is accidentally and tragically killed. A heart-broken Lani is then forced to end her summer romance and insists never to see Chuck again.

With a dark cloud hanging over the island, reports of an impending storm circulate, and the gang feel it their duty to ride waves together one final time. With danger staring them in the face, they head out on their boards, underestimating the severity of the storm and what is about to become a fight for survival. However, like many a summer movie, the teens and their vacations end on a high note, and one they will never forget.

VERDICT: ★★★ ½

If Aloha Summer must be compared to anything, it could be regarded as North Shore and Stand By Me spliced into one. It is a nostalgic and earnest coming-of-age dramedy about true friendship, with the sand, sun and surf-filled Waikiki as its backdrop. The film does a masterful job of recreating the late fifties, and is filled with delightful hits of the period like "Dream Lover" and "One Summer Night". Aloha Summer has a certain innocence and uniqueness that separates it from the tonnes of generic sex comedies and beach movies of the eighties, and while it is undeniably lighthearted and easy to watch, it also convincingly depicts the prejudices and racism that would have been all-to common at the time. In spite of the racial overtones, Aloha Summer looks back fondly on the cultural aspects of 1959 Hawaii; the year the island became the 50th state. Although the film does suffer from a few contrived moments (and was directed by the man behind Halloween III: Season of the Witch!), it is a welcome change from so-called classics like Porky's, and so its faults are easily forgivable.

One thing that is evident is that story behind Aloha Summer was written by somebody with the best memories of growing up when times were simpler. But no matter what era you grew up in, and wherever you took your summer vacation, Aloha Summer is a warmhearted portrayal of friendship, that we can all, in one way or another, relate to.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

1. Beyond The Sea - Bobby Darin
2. You're So Fine - The Falcons
3. Lei Momi, Lei Momi Lani - Blaine Kia, Warren Fabro
4. Little Darlin' - The Salty Six
5. Koni Koni - The Royal Tahitians
6. Bustin' Surfboards - The Bongo Teens
7. Tequila - Stewart Levin & Snuffy Walden
8. Yakety Yak - The Coasters
9. Purple People Eater - Sheb Wooley
10. Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu - Domenico Modugno
11. Splish Splash - Bobby Darin
12. Burning Bridges - Jack Scott
13. Momma Stole The Chicken - Billy Bland
14. I Only Have Eyes For You - The Flamingos
15. Walk Don't Run - The Ventures
16. Stairway To The Stars - Del Courtney Orchestra
17. Elmer's Tune - Del Courtney Orchestra
18. You're Driving Me Crazy - Del Courtney Orchestra
19. I Can't Get Started - Del Courtney Orchestra
20. Mapuana - Sonny Kamahele
21. Deep Purple - Del Courtney Orchestra
22. Rockin' Robin - Bobby Day
23. Ku Ipo Ona Ona - Pau Amelda
24. In The Still of the Nite - The Five Satins
25. Since I Don't Have You - written by Joseph Rock
26. We Belong Together - Robert & Johnny
27. One Summer Night - The Danleers
28. White Ginger Blossoms - Haunani Kahalewai
29. A Thousand Miles Away - The Heartbeats
30. Dream Lover - Bobby Darin

Ocean Drive Weekend [1985]

"It was the '60s! And even the good girls knew that O.D. meant Ocean Drive.."

Various teenaged thirty-somethings - a gang of girls from "Leon College" and a group of lads from "A Great Southern University (not the one you think)" - head off to the infamous Ocean Drive for a weekend of drinking, dancing, and whatever else kids in the '60s did for fun. If they were anything like our protagonists in Ocean Drive Weekend, it seems they didn't do much at all.

Jeanie is feeling lovestruck, hung up on her ex-boyfriend Danny, much to her best friend Linda's dissatisfaction. "Ah hell, let's not start that again - Danny is the biggest slug in North America!".

Next we've got Alan; the kid so desperate not to be drafted that he is willing to shoot a hole in his foot to prevent the inevitable. His pal Kirk is the funnyman of the bunch, having earlier stolen a motorbike and somehow lost it in the sea, to his amusement.

Serious Chuck and overweight party animal Miller are on a mission to find themselves some women but instead have too much to drink and get in trouble with local cops the next morning when they go out for breakfast and find they have no cash to pay for their meals. Miller insists they escape by jumping off of the pier, but as they swim to shore they are greeted by and unimpressed cafe owner and police. Luck changes for Chuck when he later meets Jeanie and falls head over heels for her, and they dance the night away with the rest of the kids at a Rivieras gig.

Two of Miller's pals, Hank and Billy, borrow his Dodge and go cruisin', but when they decide to poke fun of some guys from another college, it begins a chain of disastrous events that winds up involving half of the kids at Ocean Drive! When Miller gets his car back later that evening, he is stopped and kidnapped by the same college kids who'd earlier been taunted by his pals. The police then find his beat up dodge abandoned at the end of the street and when word gets back to Hank and Billy, they vow to rescue Miller from the clutches of evil and recruit Mark, Chuck, Marsha and the rest of the kids to help.

VERDICT: ★ ½

Ocean Drive Weekend is a really obscure and somewhat bizarre movie. One look at the cover art on the vhs box and you'd assume what you were looking at was your typical eighties T&A beach romp. On further inspection of the cover, you'd notice the Troma logo, and your expectations would be lowered to "terrible eighties T&A beach romp". Unbelievably, Ocean Drive is a semi serious tale, with absolutely zero nudity or bad language (okay, the f-bomb is dropped once!), and is so tame that it only earned itself a PG:13 rating on release. Although the movie features beach scenes, the bikini-clad torso on the cover really does give the wrong impression, and I would go as far as to say that Ocean Drive IS a drama film. It is like Troma's response to American Graffiti. Perhaps another good comparison would be Shag The Movie - this is the amateur version, complete with godawful acting, over-ripe "stars", and not really a whole lot of plot.

Under The Boardwalk by The Drifters was used about four times in the movie - there's nothing wrong with that, of course, except for that it continually reminded me how I would have much rather been sitting watching Under The Boardwalk (1989), a much better beach movie.

Incredibly, Ocean Drive Weekend isn't quite as horrifying as you would think. Yes, the acting is nothing more than piss-poor, but where you'd presume it absolutely worthless, there are a few hidden surprises. That said, it is by no means a good movie, and wont ever be regarded as anything other than garbage. The ten or so central characters does make for a stupidly confusing story that it is best not to even try and follow, but it does deliver a few laughs, even if most are sort of unintentional (an example being one of the main characters - an overweight slobbish type who looks about forty and claims to still be a virgin). It seems, though, that Ocean Drive Weekend is destined to lurk in the cavernous depths of low-grade cinema for all of eternity. Do yourself a favour and leave it there.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

The following songs were featured in the movie:

1. Showdown - Smitty Flynn & The Rivieras
2. Under The Boardwalk - The Drifters
3. Double Shot - Smitty Flynn & The Rivieras
4. It Will Stand - the Showmen
5. Peanut Butter - Smitty Flynn & The Rivieras
6. Be Young, Be Foolish, Be Happy - The Tams
7. 39-21-46 - Smitty Flynn & The Rivieras
8. Come Go With Me - Smitty Flynn & The Rivieras
9. Girl Watcher/Boy Watcher - Karen & Ron Killette

The Malibu Bikini Shop [1986]

"Get it off at.. The Bikini Shop"

When the wealthy owner of a beach-front bikini shop goes out to ride some late night waves and never returns, her assets must be dished out to her two nephews, the serious-minded college-grad Alan (Michael David Wright) and the fun-loving cheeky chap Todd (Bruce Greenwood). The brothers couldn't be more different; Alan is on the verge of marrying the daughter of an influential businessman, while carefree Todd is only occupied by his newly acquired ticket to paradise. Problems arise when the brothers must agree on what to do with their inheritance, which now includes swanky condo on the beach. Upon arrival at the house, Alan, briefcase in hand, is set to have it all sold and a deal sealed before the end of summer. Todd, on the other hand, has already made himself a permanent fixture.

It isn't until the boys are introduced to Ida's Bikini Shop that opinions really begin to clash. Surrounded by half-naked women and three beautiful salesgirls - Ronnie, Cindy and Kathy - Todd is in heaven. "I think i've found my calling", he chimes. Alan still only has one thing on his mind and unlike his brother, it isn't skin! And it becomes all the more evident over the days to come when, to his horror, Alan discovers the new two-way "safety" mirrors that have been installed in the changing rooms for his brothers' convenience! Todd also manages to scare off the first prospective buyers when it is revealed that the store has been in debt for years. But bad things really do come in threes for Alan as the salesgirls from the store turn up on the doorstep of the condo carrying boxes and on instruction from Todd, move in with the guys. Whatever will Alan's bratty wife-to-be back in Chicago say about this? Especially since he and brunette beaut Ronnie begin to hit it off..

A couple of old codgers are the next to show an interest in the store, and it is Alan's responsibility to persuade them that Ida's is exactly what they're looking for. Even if it does mean lying about how "peaceful and quiet" the beach-front location is! They're about to all learn the hard way when, on arrival, they're greeted by an eye-popping display of flesh, accompanied by blaring music and a rowdy crowd of onlookers! The bemused elderly couple can hardly compare to a stupefied Alan, who is completely floored by the surprise "tanlines contest" laid on by none other than his brother. Just about ready to grab Todd by the throat, he is stopped in his tracks by Ronnie, who gives him some welcome news about the success of the event which had bikinis flying off the rails and profits racking up. "Your brother was just trying to impress you - just relax and enjoy yourself for once!". And with that, Alan has a realization: this bikini shop business might just work, and his brother? He isn't such a bad guy!

To celebrate, Alan, Todd, Ronnie, Cindy and Kathy throw a huge party at the house later that evening. The serious, business-minded Alan is nowhere to be found as he and Ronnie spend a little time together - but the timing couldn't be worse. Seconds away from 'fessing up how much he likes her, Alan and Ronnie are interrupted by the one person they never expected to see - his fiancee! It is when Jane (Debra Blee) decides to stick around until the store is sold that Alan sees what a huge mistake he is making in marrying such a spoilt and overbearing daddies-girl. Unimpressed with the carefree Californian lifestyle, pushy Jane insists Ida's Bikini Shop is sold as soon as possible, to Alan's dismay. Todd is quick to see Jane for what she is and knows just how strong a grasp she has on his brother, who is obviously unhappy with the future that has been planned for him.

Before long, obnoxious Jane gets her own way and the store is signed over to a religious fruitcake with plans to turn the place into some sort of temple for meditation. At the last minute, Alan comes to his senses, declaring the store is no longer for sale. But there's a problem. He already sold it! And now, the only thing left to do is buy it back, which wouldn't be such a problem if the price hadn't just been raised by a hefty six thousand dollars! They've got two weeks to come up with a plan of action and raise the money, or else Ida's Bikini Shop will be gone for good. And not forgetting Alan's (now ex) fiancee, who wants revenge, and will stop at nothing to get it.

VERDICT: ★★★

What do we have here? Might this be another shamelessly tacky beach movie, strung together with about a twelve dollar budget, a wafer-thin plot and clearly not enough fabric in the costume department to cover up all the ladies? Check, check, check. This breed of movie was not in short supply in eighties; Private Resort, Summer Job, Spring Break, Hot Moves, Hardbodies, Senior Week.. The list goes on. But all that doesn't stop The Bikini Shop from being one of the better of the bunch, and as much as it is, was and always will be a cinematic monstrosity, it is also a wondrous piece of time-stamped celluloid, instantly recognisable as a mid-eighties throwaway comedy. And as tasteless as it may be, it is about as tame as you're going to get in the R-rated category. But do not fear! It isn't a movie that offers only boobage, so the fact there isn't an awful lot of it doesn't matter. How can you resist a movie sporting box art with such gloriously gaudy hues? And how can you resist watching it once you've picked up the box and noticed Bruce Greenwood's face on the back? The Malibu Bikini Shop is the ultimate summer romp, with a final scene that easily triumphs over that of any other beach movie. It has aged with less grace than the biggest shoulder pads, and isn't ashamed to proudly emblazon its cheapness upon every one of its ninety-nine minutes of runtime. So for all the above reasons, and a whole lot more, The Malibu Bikini Shop rocks.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

Another for the unreleased catalogue, and the chances of locating any of these tracks are extremely slim indeed - unfortunate, since this stuff is first-rate corn on the cob (with a side order of cheese on toast).

1. Into Something Good - Skip Adams
2. Party Night - Light
3. If The Love Fits - Jacie Berry
4. Girls Of Rock N Roll - Carter Robertson, Tami Holbrook, Jacie Berry & Penny Sommer
5. One Thing Leads To Another - Chris Farren
6. Lookin' - Naomi Delgado
7. Just Remember - Executive
8. Don't Let The Moment Go - Jaunice Charmaine
9. We Found Love - Chris Farren
10. Give Me Your Love To Dream On - Steve Eaton
11. Silly Boy - Tami Holbrook
12. You Make Me Nervous - Diana DeWitt
13. Running With A Stranger - Chris Farren

Hot Resort [1985]

"Where anything you want is everything you get"

The fat kid, the nerd, the wannabe comedian and the cool kid who travels with only a suitcase full of rubber johnnies. For the next 90 minutes, the mayhem and mischief is on them, as they begin their summer jobs at a luxury Caribbean beach resort. Cut to the pudgy and dis-likable owner of Royal St. Kitts and his scary managerial sidekick, who are ready to enforce a "maximum discipline" regime upon the new staff. With only one thing on their minds, the lads are unimpressed when they are descended upon by the raging manager, Mr Martin, who orders them to put their little peckers on hold or face the consequences. The idea of not getting laid for the entire summer isn't well-received. "Weren't you in a movie with Fay Wray?!", the kids joke.

Among the first guests to arrive are a wacky elderly couple, a sex-crazed guy and gal who are busy bonking in every scene we see them in, a couple of good-looking broads, and lastly (and most ghastly!), a busload of preppies from Ramsey college rowing squad. Calling themselves "The Typhoons", the repulsively snooty team get a taste of their own medicine when the lads on staff are required to move their luggage upstairs.. And move it they do - right over the balcony! And so begins a long-running war between the Ramsey college rats and our four central characters.

Marty (Tom Parsekian), contraception king is thrilled when he delivers room service to the two lovelies he'd met earlier in the day, and straight away has eyes for Liza, the brunette, and leaves the suite betting 20 bucks with geek of the gang, Kenny, that he can score. He soon learns that he isn't the only one after Liza, and the competition for her heart is on between him and leader of the Ramsey preps. And Marty is off to a bad start when Lizas' best friend Franny is eager to hook up with the rowing team.

Much to his surprise, the first to get lucky is chubby, happy-go-lucky Chuck (Dan Schneider) who is pounced on by the hot-to-trot hotel cleaner. Meanwhile, Marty spots Liza and Franny by the pool and lays on the charm, and it seems to be working a treat, until two pompous Ramsey idiots crash the scene. Their ego-trip ends in defeat when they shove Marty into the water and in a quick-thinking act of revenge he grabs the college morons and yanks them in too! When news of the incident gets back to the wrathful Mr Martin, he has plenty to lecture Marty about - after all, the rowing squad are the most filthy-rich of all the guests at St. Kitts.. and you know.. "the guests are always right". Overworked and unhappy, wisecracking Brad (Bronson Pinchot) is sacked on the spot when arguing the innocence of his friend. Lead by Marty - who has had it up to here with the whole shebang - the entire summer staff throw two fingers up to Mr Martin and quit.

Before long the hotel is overrun. With no other option, the guys are all given their jobs back.. But the terms are different this time around. A film crew who have chosen the resort as the setting for their tacky soup commercial are in need of a rival team to race the Typhoons, offering the summer staff a whopping 200 bucks a pop for rowing. That leaves Mr Martin to whip the guys into shape - and he's about to make it his personal goal to kick the asses of each and every upper class Ramsey bonehead. Marty has other ideas.. and they're unfolding well as he and Liza finally get closer.

Before the race gets underway, there is one final crazy escapade in store for Marty, Chuck, Brad and Kenny, as they're sent off on a "babysitting" mission.. Although it isn't kids they're looking after - but a dirty old pensioner, who sends them cruising for chicks in his classy automobile! Naturally, they succeed in scooping four sunbathing beauties, ditch the old man, and drop in at the hottest party on the island.

Can they make it back in one piece and smash the over-inflated egos of the Ramsey Typhoons? Will Marty and Liza hook up? And will that randy couple puh-lease put some clothes on?!

VERDICT: ★★

Hot Resort! Finally Cannon churn out a movie - albeit a bad one - that isn't entirely nonsensical! The subject is well-worn, the gags are few and far between, and all the sun in the Caribbean couldn't make the movie any less dull.. That said, it could be much worse. It also teaches you how to smuggle through customs a "grass skirt" made of joints. Ingenious huh? So we've got to give it at least a little bit of credit.

The movie never reaches the same level of zany crudeness as, say, Summer Job, but follows the same basic set up. If it was somehow pulled off in a less drab of a manner - take out the god damn soup commercial subplot and the bizarre, unnecessary appearance by Frank Gorshin, you'd be left with a good old fashioned tale of good guys beating the bad guys and the guy getting the girl. It could be better, it could be worse, but memorable? No dice!

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [trailer]

SOUNDTRACK:

Nothing joyous to speak of, and we all know how essential it is for beach movies to have rockin' soundtracks! Another aspect that unfortunately lets this flick down.

1. Obsession - Dave Powell
2. Body Shop - Dave Powell
3. Love Bites - Dave Powell
4. Welcome to the Party - Dave Powell
5. Get Me to the Show on Time - Dave Powell
6. She Don't Know Me - Ken Brown

Senior Week [1987]

"The best week of your life."

Everett (Michael St. Gerard) has a problem: Senior Week. The seven days of carefree capers and non-stop party madness before graduation. To all the other kids at school, this is the event of the year. But Everett is in trouble, in debt. Not money, but a term paper. And without it, grizzly Miss Bagley is on a mission to bring his graduation to a grinding halt. Things are so bad that Everett is even having nightmares about naked chicks laughing at his misfortune. So much for wet dreams! As little as he wants to fail school, the week of debauchery is calling his name. But, being the sensible student that he is, makes the decision to get himself out of the doghouse and complete the term paper.. So, he kidnaps the school nerd and holds him hostage!

Persuading geeky Jody to write the paper in return for a week of partying with him and his two best buds Jamie and Kevin, Everett and the guys pile into the car and spend the night road trippin' to the Sunshine State. Meanwhile, upon hearing of their departure, a fuming Miss Bagley as well as Jamies' jealous girlfriend Tracy hatch plans to locate the guys and give them a piece of their mind.

Checking into the only available ten dollar sleazeball motel, order of business for Everett and the boys is to first hit the sands and hunt for as many scantily clad beach babes as they can lay their hands on. A night of strip poker, arcades and nightclubs await, followed by a true genre staple: the dirty dream sequence! A dozen topless imaginary bimbos later and it is back to reality for our protagonists, one of which is astonished to find his ill-tempered girlfriend on the doorstep, bitter from his club antics involving another broad. Meanwhile, Everett and Kevin have a comical run-in with the owners of a local grease joint, with bloodcurdling Miss Bagley hot on their tail.

Back at the motel, frustrated Jody - who is still caught up writing the English paper - blows his top and confronts Everett. "You said you'd bring me back a girl. You told me that yesterday before you went to the beach, you told me that last night before you went out, and you told me that again today. What about our deal, huh? Look, you brought me down here, and all I do is sit at that table and write YOUR term paper!.. That's it! I've had enough!". And with that, he abandons both the paper and the lads and before long happens upon a girl of his own, who is none other than Tracys' goofy cousin; Debbie Sue. To Everett, Kevin and Jamies' surprise, they later find the two in a bath full of whipped cream!

In the shadow of being "cheated on", Tracy sets out to boost her self esteem and bag a new guy, only making things worse when the one who shows an interest in her is unveiled as a complete douche. Luckily, Everett and the guys come to her rescue and realizing how she still has eyes for Jamie, they get back together. But there are further complications to come! Chaos ensues as the gang are at long last pounced on by ferocious Miss Bagley, who demands the overdue term paper there and then. As the essay is about to be turned over, Everett runs into trouble with the douchebag who had earlier tried it on with Tracy. The paper is stolen, and it is a race to the finish as the bad guys are chased across the beach in dune buggies. Of course, the movie doesn't end without Everett bagging a gorgeous babe and making it to graduation in the nick of time. Go to hell Miss beastly Bagley!

VERDICT: ★★

There are some movies that sink below the bottom of the barrel, and intended to from the word go. Such is the case with Senior Week - the embodiment of "USA Up All Night" in the eighties. As for the tag line "the best week of your life" - well, that's exactly how long it felt watching this movie. Calling it "the best" is another matter entirely.

Slating Senior Week for what it is is impossible. The reason being that it never did anything wrong (or should that be right?!) in the first place. It was meant to be a no-brainer movie, full of gratuitous boobies, atrociously acted characters and bad dialogue. It was supposed to fall at the wayside. And, well. It ticks all of those boxes. And for that, ladies and gentlemen, Senior Week deserves an A+. Back in the real world it deserves burning. But here, in the kingdom of the substandard, we'll soak up the Florida sunshine, laugh at the mediocrity, and throw it a couple of stars.

PICTURES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

1. Your Picture - Buzzy King
2. Baby Talk - The Laurels
3. Feel Like Jumping - William Orbit
4. Tears in My Beer - Brent Maglia
5. Bustin ' Surfboards - The Bongo Teens
6. Anxious Moments - Merlin Moran
7. Made in America - French Lick
8. I Got The Feelin' - The Walters
9. Without You - Nocera
10. Big Band B-Boy - Mantronix
11. Dance With Me - Lords of the New Church
12. Surfin' Bongos - The Bongo Teens
13. Beautiful Women - Albatross
14. Back To Burn - T. La Rock
15. White Night - Torch Song featuring William Orbit
16. Hard Core Hip-Hop - Mantronix
17. A Night Out - Urban Blight
18. All My Love - Nocera
19. In The Summertime - Beat Rodeo
20. She's The Girl That I Love - Goldmania
21. Ju Ju Hand - Sam The Sham and The Pharoahs
22. Bongo Bongo Bongo - Preston Epps

The Allnighter [1987]

"Who says you can't do it all in one night?"

The Allnighter is the story of five college friends on the verge of graduation. Sensitive Molly (Susanna Hoffs), who still hasn't found the one "earth shattering romance" she desires, bubbly blonde Val (DeDee Pfieffer), who is engaged to an over-obnoxious yuppie type, and witty Gina (Joan Cusack), the eager film-maker of the bunch. Then of course we can't forget the surf-obsessed males of the gang: perpetually immature law student C.J. and the quirky, free-spirited Killer.

The movie opens with Gina and her video camera, quizzing her fellow classmates on "what they got" out of their four years at Pacifica College. To which one student, Raymond (Josh Richman, who you may recognise from Thrashin', or as the parking lot heavy metaller from Heathers with the lion/dynamite theory) replies "a couple thousand hangovers and an addiction to pepto-bismol". The initial five minutes of hijinks sets the tone for the night to come - a breezy, brainless adventure.

With the not-so-distant shores of adulthood drifting closer with every passing wave, Molly, Val, Gina, C.J. and Killer are in hot pursuit of the fling to end all flings. The answer? Pulling a no-holds-barred allnighter. To kick-start the celebrations, Molly and Val cook up the gangs' last ever meal together - a task that is easier said than done when Ginas' stash of pot is mistaken for oregano! As the guys hang out at the house they've called home for the past four years, there's an unexpected knock at the door. Enter the man of Mollys' dreams; a sharply dressed older guy with a rock star past who goes by the name of Mickey LeRoy. Could it be fate bringing the two together? Eager Molly seems to think so when he invites himself in and explains to the gang that their very beach house was once home to him and his band, The Rhinos. It soon becomes evident that Molly, an avid Rhinos fan, has the hots for this new character, and all her flirting prompts the rest of the gang into venturing down to the beach for the graduation fiesta. Little does she know that as she dances the night away with her apparent dream man, a deflated C.J. is pining for her attention. Plans for the night are also interrupted by another romantic interlude when wife-to-be Val is beckoned by her loathsome fiancee to spend the night at a hotel. Before long though, her other half hits the sack, leaving her craving some excitement in the form of the fiesta.

Heading off back to his hotel, Mickey LeRoy invites Molly to stop by later on, to her delight. As a result, us viewers are treated to what is the most (and commonly regarded as only) notable few seconds of the film: Ms. Hoffs dancing around the room in her undies to the sound of Aretha Franklins' Respect. Dressed to the nines and ready to knock LeRoy dead, she heads off to his hotel anticipating a steamy night of passion. The truth, as it turns out, couldn't be much further and in an absurd twist of events poor Molly becomes trapped out on Mickeys' balcony while he and his ex-wife get it on inside! Desperate, Molly phones for help from the two people who wont let her down: Gina and Val.

A beach littered with party casualties is all that is left of the fiesta by this point. Val, face down in the sand, is roused by a camera-wielding Gina and, assuming the nights' shenanigans are over they head back to get some sleep. Dishevelled, they arrive home to discover Mollys' urgent message from the hotel and without thinking twice, hop on Ginas' moped to carry out the best friend rescue operation. Further problems arise when the hotel staff suspect the girls as a couple of hookers and have them arrested, leaving Molly - who has only just escaped one sticky situation - in yet another predicament. While Gina and Val are carted off downtown, Molly is left to pick up the pieces of a night left in tatters. With only hours to go before the graduation ceremony, a panic-stricken Molly gathers together as much bail money as she can find and calls on C.J. in distress.

While a confrontation rages between Gina and Val and their psycho cellmate, Molly and C.J. partake in a similar disagreement with a sassy cop named Sergeant Macleish (unexpected cameo by Pam Grier!), whom they must convince of the girls' innocence. The stakes couldn't be higher: fail and miss graduation. But before this allnighter is through, there is one final thing that must be taken care of - Mollys' love life! Ah well, you know what they say - nice gals finish last.

VERDICT: ★★★

Coming across as an innocuous lovechild of Where The Boys Are '84 and Modern Girls, The Allnighter is a buoyant entry into the world of the beach movie with generous helpings of adventure, romance and PG-rated action. The gaudy greatness (which can be associated with, above all, DeDee Pfieffers' wardrobe) and a few dire performances are a lasting reminder of how guilty we should feel for falling for what charm and appeal the movie does have. Come to think of it, maybe the the flaws are the appeal. One element that we can't fault is the likability of the leads who are wonderful as the three graduating girlfriends - principally Joan Cusack who brings heaps of humour to the proceedings. Not to mention the colourful backdrop of Malibu sunshine which makes for the perfect party atmosphere.

Overall, it is a movie about making the most of what you've got and who you've got before you carefree youth is over and maturity comes to bite you in the butt. Making memories, putting friends above all else and not stopping 'til the sun comes up. Even the sudden, rabidly sappy love scene at the end doesn't do enough damage to unravel the feel-good antics of the night, and while it is an inferior movie to Modern Girls, The Allnighter stands as a kitschy, enjoyable girl-power comedy.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [trailer]

SOUNDTRACK:

It would be criminal to disregard the soundtrack, which was made available on a now-scarce picture disc vinyl. Timbuk 3's classic The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades was also featured in the movie but unfortunately not included on the official soundtrack album.

1. Dangerous - Monalisa Young
2. No T.V. No Phone - Price-Sulton
3. Love Is You - Redd Kross
4. The Girl In A Sweater - The Hard-Ons
5. This Could Be A Slow Song - Louis & Clark
6. Respect - Funky Lips
7. Take A Mile - Louis & Clark
8. Boo Hoo - Angie Jarree
9. Dangerous - Exploding White Mice
10. Pipeline - Agent Orange
11. (Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay - Chronic Disorder

Spring Fever U.S.A. AKA Lauderdale [1989]

"Where life's a beach"

Time for a spring break movie, folks. Not *the* Spring Break, no. This one just isn't as awesome as that. HOWEVER! It is still a spring break flick. With a cameo appearance by Ron Jeremy.

I'm guessing that has summed it up already.

After one hell of an opening sequence - you know the kind: shots of an over-tanned pecks-flexing muscle dude; conga line; beach babes; uncredited extras who probably didn't realize they were even being filmed at the time - set to the tune of We Go To The Beach by the Rebel Pebbles, we cut to UCLA where college buddies Larry and (token fatso best friend who wears the same outfit throughout the entire movie) Animal are failing at attracting attention from girls. Well, the right kind of attention, anyway. Particularly that of Heather fantasy girl Lipton (*the* Janine Lindemuler, who i'm sure is the fantasy girl of the entire male population of Earth). But when the guys spot a couple of up-to-no-good gangster types attempting to bundle the defenseless ms. Lipton into the back of a car, they take it upon themselves to do something about it. Acting like a couple of action heroes, they knock the ruffians out cold and rescue Heather from the two bumbling thugs.

As Animal sets off to Fort Lauderdale for a week of partying, Heather insists on repaying Larry for his valiant deed and invites him back to her hotel room. Looks like luck is in. But as an overly thrilled Larry arrives with a bottle of Dom Peringnon to meet the demands of his oversexed fantasy girl, in burst the gangsters, intent on a second kidnap attempt. This time, it's Larry's turn to get knocked out, and when he wakes up, Heather is nowhere in sight and neither is the hotel. Looks like that bit of luck is nowhere close to being in. But wait! No sooner than Larry is informed that he too has been kidnapped is he rescued by a bouncy blonde named Jane, who is fortunate enough to have armed herself with a can of pepper spray. Succeeding in temporarily blinding the brainless thugs who are holding Larry hostage, they speed away in her sports car.

Making a quick getaway, Jane fills Larry in on the truth about his eighteen year old dream girl, who is none other than the daughter of one of the wealthiest men in the world. They agree that finding Heather is in the best of both of their interests - Jane having been hired to track her down, while Larry is still busy drooling over the thought of her.

First stop, Palm Springs. Larry has a hunch that his fantasy woman will be found in the same place as 'The Big Kahuna', and despite not knowing where the hell *that* can be found, he and Jane stop by some surf shops and ask around. From there, they are directed from one sunny city to the next, finding plenty of tanned bodies and college kids, but none by the name of The Big Kahuna or Heather Lipton. As they make their way to Daytona Beach, they stumble upon the gangsters once again, forcing Jane to act as bait by stripping down to some rather saucy undies. Their plan to deliver ms. Lipton back to her daddy in New York fails when she escapes from both the guys holding her hostage and Jane and Larry, jumps onto a motorbike, and heads to Daytona.

What she is greeted with on arrival is wet t-shirt contests, hot clubs, and the biggest and best party atmosphere in Florida. But Larry and Jane aren't far behind, catching up with her as she enters a beach beauty contest. Things get complicated for the two amateur detectives when Larry is challenged - by the King of the sport - to a bellyflop contest. Does jumping from a crane just spell trouble?

By the end of spring break, Larry heads back to UCLA to take the exam he failed to study for over the week he spent chasing Heather. And talking of Heather, will she get back to New York in one piece? And will Larry declare his undying love for her, or come to realize that Jane is girl for him?

..Oh, and will they finally discover the identity of The Big Kahuna?

VERDICT: ★ ½

If you want some idea of the calibre of this movie, just look at the cast. Two pornstars, and the rest virtual unknowns, apart from a couple of short appearances by Summer Job's Sherrie Rose as a lingerie store salesgirl. Most of the cast - the surf store staff, club-goers, beach bodies - were all local faces. Figures!

One reviewer pans this flick as the "worst movie of the entire universe ever to be made". And I guess - apart from the rad opening theme song - they aren't far off. I would advise you to savour the precious few humorous moments and put your brain into standby mode while watching. 'Cause, what do ya want? It's a spring break movie, with a shedload of ass, boobage, zaniness and the obligatory spastic gangster subplot. You get what you pay for with this one. That is all.

(Go watch the actual Spring Break instead. Failing that, try Private Resort).

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

No official soundtrack was released, but the more-than-bearable song listing is as follows:

1. We Go To The Beach - The Rebel Pebbles

2. Winners - Fury

3. Spring Break/Come Together - Jeff Wills and Asrock

4. Nighttime Assassin - The Rebel Pebbles

5. How Do You Feel (Jane's Theme) - The Rebel Pebbles

6. Black Beauty - Clay Sheff

7. Hiya Honey! - Teazer

Summer Job [1989]

"Wanted: Irresponsible coeds to work in exotic pleasure spa. 'Experience' a must!"

When recruited as summer staff at a hot beach side resort, a bunch of (mainly too old to be) college coeds prepare themselves for the ultimate fun in the sun experience! Somehow, these lucky kids - comprising of a fat slob, cocky jock, daddies girl, surfer chick, cowboy, nerd, and a few other characters sporting obviously aqua-netted hairdos - beat the competition of the six hundred other applicants for the chance of a lifetime; a chance that doesn't begin too well for any of them.

With a psychotic chef in the kitchen; guests suffering from heart attacks at the sight of the room service girl; an obese woman (complete with splodgy sound effects) plodding after whichever lad she notices; a leery old guy chasing the scantily clad beach babes all hours of the day and a whole array of other disasters, the summer staff all begin to get tired of what they thought would be a few weeks of bliss.

Head of staff and UCLA college senior Kathy (Sherrie Rose) continues with her tight-ship work routine, earning herself an instant enemy in the form of filthy rich daddies girl, Barbara. Claws - and sharp ones at that - soon come out and after Barbara is humiliated by one of Kathy's clever pranks, daddies girl is on the warpath and guess who is right on route? Armed with a bottle of purple dye, conniving Barb fixes her new rival's bubble bath and the next night, Kathy is branded the 'purple pimpernel'. That isn't the end to the disasters and when the resort manager catches onto the commotion, Kathy loses her position as head of staff and is demoted to kitchen duties, saving the population of the beach the humiliation of seeing a purple-skinned resort worker. To top things off, Barbara is sacked, much to the satisfaction of the rest of the staff. But they haven't seen the last of her..

To make things worse for Kathy, she hears from her so-called boyfriend that he has been seeing someone else for weeks, so she and the other girls go out to exact revenge on more or less the entire male population of the resort. Meanwhile, the lads on staff try their hardest (no pun intended) at getting laid.

Just when the staff think the waves have settled and their end-of-summer leaving party is in sight, they get a nasty surprise. None other than bitch of the century, Barbara, checks in as a guest. Without hesitation, the staff agree they are in for one bumpy ride. So what do they do? Cook up - quite literally - a cunning plan of action! Can they pull it off and get even with the one person who is making their lives hell? And can they throw the most made-of-awesome leaving party in summer job history?

VERDICT:★★ ½

As far as spring break/summer beach movies go, Summer Job is a fun one. Look at it as a movie, and you'll be bummed out. But look at it as an '80s beach movie, realise that's all it is, and you'll be entertained. There are only a certain amount of things that you can put into a beach movie (sun, sea, sand and tanned bodies, to name the most of them) and none of those things are anything particularly substantial. So if you're looking for an intellectually stimulating experience (and I did said intellectually, as well as stimulating) then you're on the wrong tracks. Generally on the wrong tracks here at this site, I mean.

Summer Job does benefit from a good deal of humour, although it is largely pretty slapstick stuff. Unavoidably with these sorts of movies, the laughs are mostly unintentional, and the best part of the over-emphasised gags fall flat and will probably irritate you a little. Regardless, Summer Job is a double-sized slice of late '80s cinema that goes heavy on the cheese and not-so on the brain cells. Will it encourage you to nab yourself a summer job? Well, see it and find out.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

The song played during the opening credits is "All the Love I Need" by Ike Stubblefield and Kevin Quigley, and is one of the best tracks on the unsurprisingly out of print soundtrack.

1. You're All The Love I Need - Ike Stubblefield and Kevin Quigley
2. Hold On To Your Love - Orkestra
3. Sweet Lover - Jack Green
4. Lady Of The Night - Kenny Moore
5. Kathy's Theme - Ike Stubblefield
6. Some Kind Of Magic - Orkestra
7. Win Your Love - Jack Green
8. Give Me The Night - Ike Stubblefield and Debbie Fosten
9. Don't Turn Away - Orkestra
10. Bring On The Dancing Girls - Orkestra
11. Heartbeat - Ike Stubblefield and Kevin Quigley