80's Teen Movies :: the classic, the obscure & everything in between: high school

Showing newest posts with label high school. Show older posts

Lovelines [1984]

"They're the two hottest tickets in a red-hot battle of the bands.. and now they've got the hots for each other"

Coldwater Canyon and Malibu High are two infamously warring schools on the brink of the biggest war yet: Battle of the Bands. Piper and the Firecats are the talent of Malibu, and in the hours they aren't jamming in preparation for the contest, they're running riot in the halls of Coldwater Canyon High. On this particular occasion, Coldwater's synchronized swim team become the victims of a batch of surgically threaded bathing suits and an unsuspecting history class are taught a lesson in the x-rated antics of modern man! Leaving a long lasting reminder that "Coldwater sucks!", the devilish dolls make a quick getaway, but not before Piper (Mary Beth Evans) gets a taste of their competition in the form of Racer, an all-guy group fronted by the blue eyed male model type, Rick (Greg Bradford), who she takes an instant liking to.

Back at Malibu, macho muscle monster Godzilla (Frank Zagarino), his wrestle mad sidekick and his slutty metallic pant-wearing girlfriend are scheming to break the bones of any promising opposition of the Firecats to make the battle "fair" for his baby sister Piper. Racer have their priorities set on domination by music video and have the cunning Jeff (Don Michael Paul) audition possible talent in various states of undress after a riotous prank in the cafeteria involving a dubiously crude "ancient Chinese artifact".

Charlie's Meet Rack is the setting for the qualifying round of the battle where Piper's heartache has gotten the better of her. Keyboard player and best friend Priscilla (Tammy Taylor) expresses her worry in the most tactful of ways; by telling Piper that she makes "Marie Osmond look like a nympho". It is when Racer enter the picture that Piper's destiny takes a u-turn, with her lifelong desire fulfilled at the sight of distractingly tight blue pants, unabashed pelvic thrusting and a lust-injected delivery of "I'd Do Anything For You" from frontman Rick. Meanwhile, the staple inconsequential anarchist scuzzbuckets and battle hopefuls (appropriately named The Flying Phlegm) are pulling the moves on some hoity-toity Malibu chicks while a bunch of break dancers resembling outcast Pink Ladies in satin bomber jackets make an arrival at the venue. A number of apparently unaware uncredited extras and onlookers provide the backdrop, including an array of new wave fashion victims and a lone, bespectacled senior citizen sporting a blue rinse and bewildered grandson. No, really.

Harmony at the contest lasts a total of six nanoseconds when Rick's mischievous pals Jeff and his flat cap-wearing accomplice known as The Beagle (Robert DeLapp) launch an attack on Malibu foe Godzilla. Unappreciative of being showered in popcorn and snacks from above (and witnessing his airhead girlfriend violated by a descending hot dog sausage), Godzilla - donning a pair of blue crotch-hugging pants suspiciously similar to those worn by Coldwater rival Rick - along with his all-muscle entourage grunt an oath of table smashing, skull bashing revenge. Don't they know it's bad karma to beat on a guy with a fashion sense as bad as your own? As the Malibu cavemen pursue the enemy (and prove their flagrant ~~masculinity~~ stupidity by jumping an already opened gate), news of the scuffle reaches The Firecats and an anxious Piper. A half-baked car chase follows, with more budget being spent on the selection of fresh goods on the quickly-annihilated fruit cart than on realistic chase effects. Nevertheless, we all like to see a good old strategically placed fruit cart collision every once in a while. Just think, in another ten years, concern regarding obesity levels will have forced stunt crews into destroying donut vendors and burger stalls instead, and when that day comes, it'll be a real sorry state for bad cinema.

The Malibu High celebration blow-out forces the updated Romeo & Juliet theme upon us, with Piper expressing her endless forbidden love for Rick as he stands below her balcony. Jeff and Beagle crash the party disguised as pizza delivery boys and get lucky with Godzilla's girl and an unknown bathtub beauty, while Priscilla warns Piper of the dangers of her relationship.

Late night rendezvous and essential sappy romance montages lead Godzilla to the discovery of his baby sister's secret, resulting in the predictable flying fists, the demolishing of Rick's face and subsequently the couple's break-up. Their separation ends when Malibu reach the Battle of the Bands final and another celebration party is thrown, this time with the kids inexplicably dressed in costume. In case us viewers missed the earlier star-crossed lover references, Rick and Piper arrive in Shakespearean-era outfits and a Malibu versus Coldwater confrontation then rages. In a food fight, fist fight and, believe it or not, a sword fight set to the peculiarly-placed Raiders of the Lost Ark theme, the couple escape by quad bike (or was that a ride-on lawnmower?). The climax is the announcement of a tie between Racer and The Firecats in the Battle of the Bands final, at which point both appear on stage amid a blinding white haze of coordinating costumes, bright lights, power chords and lyrics about taking love higher. Did this movie really just happen?

VERDICT: ★★★

A late night HBO and video store regular, Lovelines was the second to last directional effort of Rodney Amateau, the man responsible for High School U.S.A and The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. Lovelines mixes forbidden romance and prepubescent high school hijinks with cheesy mid-eighties pop ballads, a handful of Up All Night-worthy moments and a good few fads of the day that have been thrown in for the fun of it (e.g. break dancing intervals and repulsive punk baddies). The running time has been padded out with crude, crazy and unfeasible shenanigans like nudie theatre water pistol antics, a Chrysler that shoots booze bombs from the boot and a number of appearances from a talking goose puppet. Don't worry, it's not just you who can't see the sense in it all. Something we haven't yet mentioned is that in among all the nonsense, Police Academy's Michael Winslow sometimes pops up making strange noises and cracking the odd joke from the comfort of the apparently relevant Lovelines Answering Service. So much insanity goes on in this movie it is impossible to put it all into words.

Distributors Key Video are notable for churning out this species of film, so if you are familiar with the cheerleader camp frolics of Gimme an 'F', girl-power vengeance flick The Legend of Billie Jean or the high school comedy Paradise Motel, predicting the caliber of Lovelines sorta comes naturally to you: low budget idiocity at its finest.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

Credits of the movie state "soundtrack album available on MCA/curb records and tapes". The release was pulled at the last minute.

01. Lovelines - Souvenir
02. Totally Gone - The Firecats
03. A Dream is Comin' - P.F. Solo
04. A Time Like This Again - Joe Esposito
05. Number One - Souvenir
06. Reflex - Brittany
07. For You - Racer
08. Defying Gravity - Racer & The Firecats
09. Ba Ba Baby - The Flying Phlegm
10. Hold Me Tonight - Souvenir
11. Hearts on Fire - Ben Sharel
12. Boilin' Over - Ben Sharel

Crash Course [1988]

"They're way over the limit.. and speeding into trouble!"

Alfred E. Hamilton High is a school with not a great deal of merit to its name. Principal Paulson (Ray Walston), a sporting nut with a high regard for his school's physical education program, is carrying the burden of his career in his hands: citywide test scores. And the root cause of the academic failures at Hamilton is down to one particular class of underachievers, or so Paulson believes. Driver's ed, taught by the weary and recently divorced Larry Pearle. With the threat of the sports program being scrapped because of Hamilton High's drooping test averages, Principal Paulson lays down the law, giving Pearle six weeks to shape up or ship out. Unfortunately, his new class of zany and mismatched misfits are going to ensure this semester is the bumpiest ride of their lives!

With nothing in common but the inability to handle the wheel of a motor vehicle, many of Pearle's students are undergoing driver's ed for the second and third time. Consisting of Kichi (B.D. Wong), a brash Japanese kid with a wiseguy attitude and tendency to rap his way in and out of situations; prissy new girl Vanessa Crawford (Alyssa Milano) whose interests span all the way from hair to makeup; audacious "crash 'em, bash 'em and smash 'em" girl chaser Riko Konner (Brian Bloom); mousy and boyish future truck driver Alice Santini (Tina Yothers); dimwitted jockstrap J.J. Maslanksi (Nathan Dyer); often taunted geek of the gang Chad Bennett (Rob Stone) and pretentious foreign mobster's daughter Maria Abeja (Olivia d'Abo). The slackers get more than they bargained for when Principal Paulson employs the most merciless woman in the business, Edna Savage (Jackée Harry) as assistant teacher, leaving Pearle in fear of losing his job and the kids fearing for their lives!

Catastrophes are occurring not only on the road but in the classroom. With Paulson away at a conference, acting principal (with a warped plan to rule the school himself) Abner Fraser (Harvey Korman) takes it upon himself to target Paulson's prize athlete, J.J. It comes as great satisfaction to Fraser to inform J.J. of his failed English Lit exam, and watches as the promising football star has his future hang in the balance. Meanwhile, Pearle finds himself at odds with Savage and her methods of teaching, and Vanessa is having a hard time coping with her over-protective mother (Edie McClurg).

Over at the local pizza joint, Kichi is doing his best Jennifer Beals impression in his fourth shot at winning Maria's heart. Alice and Vanessa gossip about Fraser's sleazy actions concerning J.J.'s exam results (and about how "cute, but dumb" he is), with Alice disheartened that J.J. only regards her as one of the guys due to her boyish looks. Vanessa proposes a makeover, which is met with some skepticism by Maria who mistakenly assumes Alice has been given a two black eyes. A little downbeat, Alice tells of her father's expectations for her future and explains how he considers her more of a son than a feminine girl. Her worries disappear when an overwhelmed J.J. asks to study English Lit with her that evening. As for Chad, he faces humiliation when Riko spies him preparing to ask Vanessa on a date. Thanks to a little overheard information pertaining to a forged signature on a driver's ed permission slip, Riko jumps the gun and successfully blackmails Vanessa into going out with him instead of a dismayed Chad.

The stormy relationship between Pearle and Savage has subsided, making way for unforeseen romance and a lot of teasing from the class. Alice and J.J.'s friendship also progresses to new levels and the mandatory English Lit exam re-take seems just about passable with J.J. even voluntarily quoting Shakespeare. Vanessa's date with Riko prompts interrogation from her apprehensive single mother, who is still unaware that her daughter is enrolled in driver's ed. To spice up their date, Riko steals his father's tow truck and takes a protesting Vanessa on a wild ride. When the cops later turn up on the doorstep, Riko is unprepared for his father's uncompromising reaction and is forced to leave home.

Presuming Vanessa goes for the rebellious type, Chad seeks advice on how to be cool and undergoes a drastic image change. A flattered but amused Vanessa, unaware of the misadventure in store, accepts his offer of a date. Troublemaker Riko - who had spent his night of homelessness sleeping in a school classroom - is the cause of more shenanigans when he provokes Chad into swiping a car from driver's ed for he and Vanessa's weekend trip to the lake. The idyllic plan backfires when the car is hit by a drunk driver and the couple call on Riko - and his father's tow truck - for help. With Kichi, J.J., Alice and Maria along for the ride, they set out to rescue Chad and Vanessa, working against the clock in Riko's father's garage to fix what's left of the car. There are more loose ends to be tied when Vanessa must explain her injuries to her mother and come clean about driver's ed; Riko's father learns of the second disappearance of the tow truck; J.J.'s exam results are unveiled; Pearle and Savage unearth the mystery of the AWOL vehicle, and the driver's ed final dawns. Can the kids pass and end the movie in a most shameful celebration rap? You bet!

VERDICT: ★★★ ½

An NBC Sunday night movie boasting a cast that includes just about every eighties sitcom star you can imagine (much like the superior Dance 'til Dawn), Crash Course is an inoffensive preteen friendly cheesefest that runs rife with your typical made-for-television symptoms. The pinnacle of innocence as far as teenage mischief goes, brimming with hollow subplots, dodgy pink leotards (maybe Oz Scott was paid drop some sort of promotional hints for Alyssa's Teen Steam workout video?) and even dodgier uncredited Bangles covers that make you want to walk less like an Egyptian and more like a viewer on a mission to your mute button. Disregarding its imperfections, Crash Course is a humorously wacky and overtly clean cut License to Drive-come-Summer School popcorn flick and a real who's who of eighties faces. Edie McClurg is the overbearing mother from hell and a very funny one at that, B.D. Wong's abominable rap narration throughout is an astounding reminder of a bygone era, and Alyssa Milano's dedication to the grand "rap finale" scene is a sight to behold. Oh. And Jackée Harry is insanely badass.

See it for kicks - as a reminder of when side ponytails ruled, TV was fun, and to learn every lyric of "We Be Drivin'". So the class is over and we're still alive, we be cruisin' down the highway but not more than fifty-five..

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

1. Manic Monday - Uncredited
2. Ain't too Proud to Beg - Uncredited
3. Walk Like an Egyptian - Uncredited
4. We Be Drivin' - B.D. Wong

Senior Week [1987]

"The best week of your life."

Everett (Michael St. Gerard) has a problem: Senior Week. The seven days of carefree capers and non-stop party madness before graduation. To all the other kids at school, this is the event of the year. But Everett is in trouble, in debt. Not money, but a term paper. And without it, grizzly Miss Bagley is on a mission to bring his graduation to a grinding halt. Things are so bad that Everett is even having nightmares about naked chicks laughing at his misfortune. So much for wet dreams! As little as he wants to fail school, the week of debauchery is calling his name. But, being the sensible student that he is, makes the decision to get himself out of the doghouse and complete the term paper.. So, he kidnaps the school nerd and holds him hostage!

Persuading geeky Jody to write the paper in return for a week of partying with him and his two best buds Jamie and Kevin, Everett and the guys pile into the car and spend the night road trippin' to the Sunshine State. Meanwhile, upon hearing of their departure, a fuming Miss Bagley as well as Jamies' jealous girlfriend Tracy hatch plans to locate the guys and give them a piece of their mind.

Checking into the only available ten dollar sleazeball motel, order of business for Everett and the boys is to first hit the sands and hunt for as many scantily clad beach babes as they can lay their hands on. A night of strip poker, arcades and nightclubs await, followed by a true genre staple: the dirty dream sequence! A dozen topless imaginary bimbos later and it is back to reality for our protagonists, one of which is astonished to find his ill-tempered girlfriend on the doorstep, bitter from his club antics involving another broad. Meanwhile, Everett and Kevin have a comical run-in with the owners of a local grease joint, with bloodcurdling Miss Bagley hot on their tail.

Back at the motel, frustrated Jody - who is still caught up writing the English paper - blows his top and confronts Everett. "You said you'd bring me back a girl. You told me that yesterday before you went to the beach, you told me that last night before you went out, and you told me that again today. What about our deal, huh? Look, you brought me down here, and all I do is sit at that table and write YOUR term paper!.. That's it! I've had enough!". And with that, he abandons both the paper and the lads and before long happens upon a girl of his own, who is none other than Tracys' goofy cousin; Debbie Sue. To Everett, Kevin and Jamies' surprise, they later find the two in a bath full of whipped cream!

In the shadow of being "cheated on", Tracy sets out to boost her self esteem and bag a new guy, only making things worse when the one who shows an interest in her is unveiled as a complete douche. Luckily, Everett and the guys come to her rescue and realizing how she still has eyes for Jamie, they get back together. But there are further complications to come! Chaos ensues as the gang are at long last pounced on by ferocious Miss Bagley, who demands the overdue term paper there and then. As the essay is about to be turned over, Everett runs into trouble with the douchebag who had earlier tried it on with Tracy. The paper is stolen, and it is a race to the finish as the bad guys are chased across the beach in dune buggies. Of course, the movie doesn't end without Everett bagging a gorgeous babe and making it to graduation in the nick of time. Go to hell Miss beastly Bagley!

VERDICT: ★★

There are some movies that sink below the bottom of the barrel, and intended to from the word go. Such is the case with Senior Week - the embodiment of "USA Up All Night" in the eighties. As for the tag line "the best week of your life" - well, that's exactly how long it felt watching this movie. Calling it "the best" is another matter entirely.

Slating Senior Week for what it is is impossible. The reason being that it never did anything wrong (or should that be right?!) in the first place. It was meant to be a no-brainer movie, full of gratuitous boobies, atrociously acted characters and bad dialogue. It was supposed to fall at the wayside. And, well. It ticks all of those boxes. And for that, ladies and gentlemen, Senior Week deserves an A+. Back in the real world it deserves burning. But here, in the kingdom of the substandard, we'll soak up the Florida sunshine, laugh at the mediocrity, and throw it a couple of stars.

PICTURES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

1. Your Picture - Buzzy King
2. Baby Talk - The Laurels
3. Feel Like Jumping - William Orbit
4. Tears in My Beer - Brent Maglia
5. Bustin ' Surfboards - The Bongo Teens
6. Anxious Moments - Merlin Moran
7. Made in America - French Lick
8. I Got The Feelin' - The Walters
9. Without You - Nocera
10. Big Band B-Boy - Mantronix
11. Dance With Me - Lords of the New Church
12. Surfin' Bongos - The Bongo Teens
13. Beautiful Women - Albatross
14. Back To Burn - T. La Rock
15. White Night - Torch Song featuring William Orbit
16. Hard Core Hip-Hop - Mantronix
17. A Night Out - Urban Blight
18. All My Love - Nocera
19. In The Summertime - Beat Rodeo
20. She's The Girl That I Love - Goldmania
21. Ju Ju Hand - Sam The Sham and The Pharoahs
22. Bongo Bongo Bongo - Preston Epps

Book Of Love [1990]

"Guys need all the help they can get"

Reminiscing of his high school years, a recently divorced Jack Twiller pops out his high school yearbook and has a flick through to remind himself of the good times. It all starts sometime in 1956, in a quaint American suburb..

New in town and already sick of shifting boxes, Jack (Chris Young) is impressed when introduced to local kid Crutch (Keith Coogan), who offers a quick neighbourhood tour. Fearing having his ass kicked for being the new face, Jack warily tags along, while Crutch gives him a not-so-honest lowdown on his impressive social status in the neighbourhood. It's a shame that they have to bump into the notorious Angelo Gabooch and his leather-clad gang while on their travels, as Twiller now has to learn - the hard way - who runs the joint.

Following their humiliating clash with the greasy haired gang - a clash which left them stripped of both their underwear and their dignity - new friends Jack and Crutch swing by Spider's (Danny Nucci) place before heading off to school. And it is at school where the rich, blonde and beautiful Lily first becomes the object of Jack's affection. Stop right there a minute! Not only is she rich, blonde and beautiful, but she is the girlfriend of bullyboy Angelo. Meaning Jack doesn't stand a chance in hell. Or does he? Might the dance classes his mom booked have any bearing on the situation? If Jack keeps falling down stairs from failed tap dance attempts, i'm sure Lily will begin to notice him. That isn't to say she won't run the other way, of course.

With his mom sick of her son "moping around the neighbourhood", Jack and Crutch are shipped off to Ranger Camp where they are greeted by Gabooch's gang, who are having great fun torturing other puny and defenseless kids - the present victim being subjected to some pretty nasty candle-in-the-butt treatment. No way prepared for their helping of torture from the ruthless lot, Jack and Crutch return home without haste after just a few hours at camp. Evading the clutches of Gabooch and his boys is only the first step for Twiller, who receives a lecture from his unimpressed mother once arriving home only one day after leaving. "But that one day was so perfect, nothing else coulda held a candle to it", he says.

If anyone wants to learn how to perform the perfect drunken sing-along, take a leaf from the book of Jack and the boys. With Crutch on piano (somebody hire this kid for parties!) and Floyd, Spider and Twiller boozed up to their eyeballs, they slaughter Earth Angel so memorably that it very nearly tops that Back to the Future dance scene. With more alcohol in their systems than a bar during happy hour, they unsuccessfully scour the phonebook for a super sized take-out order of cheap and easy chicks, before raising their glasses to "the gang that will never die". At this point we cut to the present-day Jack Twiller, who is fondly gazing at his yearbook as the thirty year old black and white photograph of him during his teen days entices him to relive yet another chapter of the story.

Back in 1956, Spider is fixing up his convertible, while a terribly uncool Crutch and Jack are practising their bad boy sneers, hoping to attract girls. And at that point, whoever should roll by but the true neighbourhood bad boy Angelo, with the gorgeous Lily by his side. What better occasion for Jack to demonstrate his mechanical skills! Lily is sure to be impressed with this little act. Isn't she? Twiller can't afford to relive another embarrassment in the shadow of his head first dance routine down a flight of stairs, but with no knowledge of the workings of a convertible, this is another exploit which is destined to fail miserably. But with luck on his side, Jack is later informed of Lily and Angelo's unexpected break-up and finds the girl of his dreams sitting alone in the playground after school. Anyone else could see straight through the set-up, but poor Jack and his raging hormones fails to realize that sweet little Lily's intentions lie only in using him as a pawn in her game of revenge for the short tempered Angelo.

Twiller, determined to shake off his geeky image, throws his savings into what he believes to be a great investment: his very own set of wheels. Shame that the thing is located at the bottom of a lake! But it's gonna take more than a seventy buck car to impress the ladies, and after the guys go to the movies to see East of Eden, Twiller slicks his hair back and prepares for a complete personality transplant. James Dean he ain't!

Finally, the guys wind up at the Senior Prom, but not before wild house parties, raunchy encounters at the local fun fair, and further attempts at bagging the beautiful blonde. Thirty years later, how does it all end up?

VERDICT: ★★★★

Book of Love is a genius little movie, in the same vein as the 1985 flick Mischief, but with a slight Stand By Me twist. Co-chairman of New Line Cinema, Robert Shaye, makes a really fun screen adaptation out of the novel Jack in the Box by William Kotzwinkle, and mysteriously Book of Love is one of his only directorial efforts. How anyone could really dislike this one is absurd! And how anyone could dislike Chris Young's comical, lovable portrayal of Jack Twiller is also crazy. Come on, the guy had his very own Corey Haim style video diary released the same year as this flick, so his fan base must have been a substantially large one. And in this movie (and of course the wonderful Dance 'Til Dawn), it is glaringly obvious why - he is fantastic! The rest of the cast can't be forgotten either: the dorky but secretly badass piano player Keith Coogan; Danny Nucci, the mechanically inclined, testosterone-brimming kid who'll rent the hole in his bathroom wall to those wanting to cop an eyeful of his hot sister in a state of undress; John Cameron Mitchell, the so-called "good influence", but the one who will gladly raid his house of any spare alcohol if the opportunity arises. Ironically, the character most lacking in personality is Josie Bissett as Lily, who is lusted after by an infatuated Jack from start to (well, not quite) finish. However, we are left with a satisfying and cute ending, and one that is thankfully not too foreseeable.

Classic '50s tunes, combined with pee-your-pants teen fun, topped off with an all-round impressive cast makes Book of Love one that you shouldn't miss. And it's a shame, because most have missed it. A little crude, a lot funny, and way cool - you'd be foolish to let this one slip through your movie-lovin' fingers (like the rest of the god damn planet!).

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [trailer]

SOUNDTRACK:

Other than the remix of the title song, the soundtrack is full blown trip down memory lane with some real classics.

1. Book of Love - Ben E. King & Bo Diddley feat. Doug Lazy

2. The Great Pretender - The Platters
3. Fools Fall in Love - Elvis Presley
4. Little Darlin' - The Diamonds
5. School Days - Chuck Berry
6. What Can I Do - Smokie
7. Rip It Up - Little Richard
8. Sincerely - The Moonglows
9. Come Back My Love - The Wrens
10. Why Do Fools Fall in Love - Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers
11. Hearts of Stone - The Fontane Sisters
12. Let the Good Times Roll - Shirley & Lee

Paradise Motel [1984]

"A free lay with every stay!"

Sam Kehoe (Gary Herberger) is the new kid in town, and not overjoyed by the fact. All he wants to do is fit in, make friends, and be an average teenager. But things are difficult when your eccentric father has just invested his money in a new property. And not just any old family home, either, but a thirty room motel, complete with honeymoon suite (above Sam's bedroom, of all places!).

To worsen Sam's first day at school jitters, he is forced to make do with a rather unflattering mode of transport: the baby pink estate wagon that was thrown in with his father's purchase. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just a baby pink estate wagon. Of course, Sam isn't that lucky. This baby pink estate happens to be complete with the motto: "a free lei with every stay", above which a big ol' Paradise Motel logo sits. And that isn't all. The seventeen year old even has the privilege of travelling with a bit of company. An extra passenger - on the roof - in the shape of a hula girl. But what a disgraced Sam is unaware of is that all this blatant self-advertising is about to become the motel's biggest success in alluring a regular clientele. I mean, what the hell right? Who would benefit from spare, away-from-home double beds better than horny high schoolers?

Upon arriving at school the Principal pairs his new student up in an effort to aid him around the place. Sam isn't too taken by the guy showing him the ropes, Mick (Robert Krantz), who comes off as a complete jerk and bails at the first opportunity. It doesn't seem real that only five minutes down the line, our Micky boy and his filthy-mouthed, randy as rabbits crew resort to some serious ass-licking to manipulate the vulnerable new kid. Prior to the impending fiasco, Sam's day is brightened when he meets school beauty Laura, who he instantly falls for.

Pulling up the next morning, Sam is descended upon by Mick and his guys Danny and Shooter, who seem all-too interested in the unusual transportation on view. Astonishingly, the mockery comes in small doses - it's the propositions that are free-flowing from the mouths of the cocky gang, insistent on nabbing a room in Paradise. So determined are they that they sneak Sam out of classes for some heavy persuasion tactics. If only they'd simply rent a room! But oh no - Mick has other ideas. And what Mick wants, Mick gets. Hot under the collar and feeling the pressure of the gang's persistence, Sam buckles and agrees to their demands of a free - and frequent - bed. Now the hard part: pulling it off.

Lacking sleep from his disastrous proximity to the honeymoon suite, Sam guilt-trips his dad into keeping the lover's room eternally vacant. Supposing his unsuspecting father had been made aware of the low down and dirty exploits the presumed out-of-bounds apartment was about to bring, he'd surely have thought twice about falling for his son's cleverly concocted act. However, Sam need'nt worry about the consequences of being ratted-out.. yet. For now, no more Mick, Danny and Shooter on his back demanding favours and more importantly, the chance to become a member of their gang and be free from the ranks of the social outcasts. They can't be too bad of a group of guys, can they?

As the lovers suite gets some regular use, Sam finds himself instantly accepted. Offered the odd buck here and there for his troubles, he refuses, telling Mick and the guys that their friendship is a fine enough substitute for cash. Storm clouds are headed for sunny California, though. And they're gonna land directly above Sam Kehoe's naive head.

Beginning to take notice of Mick's casual approach to bedding girls, Sam is at a loss to discover that the beautiful and brainy Laura - woman of his dreams - is also one of his targets for a quickie. Feeling obliged to rescue her from a broken heart, Sam plans to show the over-confident (and so-called friend) Mick what he's really made of. Before he can do anything, though, our hero must also save the only decent man of the gang - Shooter - from a desperate predicament.

Grave misunderstandings, punch-ups, pranks, first love and a hat full of humour isn't far behind.. They might want to re-think the whole Paradise thing!

VERDICT: ★★★ ½

Paradise Motel is an incredibly obscure little number that was written as a follow-on to the horrendous, tacky, and equally obscure 1982 flick Goin' All The Way, and thank god it wasn't burdened with the title Goin' All The Way 2 (or 'Too'!). Why was the 'first' so horrendous, you ask? Well, as the title implies, it's pretty much just ninety minutes of some pathetically horny kid using a copious amount of force/trickery/various other unscrupulous tactics, with the ultimate goal of boning the chick he likes to refer to as his girlfriend. I can't even be sure whether the jerk does the deed by the end of it all, since he spends the majority of the movie amid rampant fantasies. Anyway, back to matter at hand.

Paradise Motel does what many lower budget teen sex comedies fail at. It makes the most of what it can be. It doesn't numb your brain or bombard you with jackass characters you couldn't care less for. It doesn't chuck in as many naked women as possible, or as much slapstick toilet humour and sound effects. This is a movie that actually makes a half-decent coming of age story about the fears of being accepted, about the harsh truths that teenagers face when it dawns on them that being irresponsible for the rest of your life gets you nowhere. Enough of this serious rubbish, you say! I thought this was a sex comedy? Well, it is. And the best part of the sex is over with within the first sixty seconds of the movie. Sorry to disappoint. Jokes aside, Paradise Motel isn't the dumb, wafer-thin, forgotten piece of film-making that it first strikes you as. It does suffer from misleading cover art syndrome, what with the whole sexy beach flick vibe it has goin' on. Ignore all of your low expectations! Paradise Motel will pleasantly surprise.

IMAGES/VIDEOS:

SOUNDTRACK:

I say it often and i'll say it again. THIS SOUNDTRACK KICKS ASS! Sadly, you gotta enjoy it in the movie, 'cause as far as it seems, it's another for the (increasingly huge) unreleased list.

1. One Track Mind - Remote Control
2. Illusion - Rick White
3. Wave Length - Remote Control
4. Suzy - Radio Bandits
5. Big Talk - Teaze
6. Lolita - Remote Control
7. Sparks - Remote Control
8. Better Late Than Never - Jacki O
9. Have a Heart - Dee Archer
10. I'm The One - Rick Neigher
11. Party 'Til We Die - The Rubinoos
12. Can't Give Up - Tom Brighton
13. Get Even - Remote Control
14. Fast Friends - Rick White

Permanent Record [1988]

"Everyone thought David had it all.. until the day David ended it all"

Yes, Keanu Reeves is in this movie. No, it doesn't suck.

Permanent Record is the story of David Sinclair (Alan Boyce), a popular high school kid who seemingly has just about everything going for him. Perfect grades, a sterling reputation with teachers and a fine relationship with his parents and little brother. His outstanding musical talent doesn't go unnoticed either, having just been handed a scholarship to a highly regarded music college. In an ideal world, David couldn't be happier..

Chris (Reeves) has a thing for music, too, and spends his spare time jamming in the band that he and best friend David created.

A popular haunt for the local kids are the sea-side clifftops - a convenient parking spot, where they can drink beer, hang out and do as they please. One night, during the celebration party (complete with chips, dips.. and vegetables) thrown together by Chris and David, those cliffs - the same cliffs where girlfriends and boyfriends go to play music and make out - are to be the scene of something way more sinister, unforeseeable and tragic than any of the teens could imagine. The heartbreak that is in their midst is only minutes away from shattering an entire community - most of all Chris - who is unfortunate enough to be at the fateful scene as it unfolds.

Suddenly David, the hardworking, straight-A student, is nowhere to be found. Not at the party. Not with a girl. Not with his guitar, or his band mates. But dead. That's right. Dead. And the last place anyone had seen him alive was on the edge of the Oregon cliffs. Chris, being that someone, tries to come to terms with what instant reaction tells him was a terrible, freak accident. While the news breaks to his parents and the rest of his school, their first thoughts are also telling them the same: it was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. Still, nobody can quite accept that this kid - a kid with such a promising future, had so unfairly lost his life.

While shockwaves are still circulating, Chris finds it difficult to concentrate. His mind is elsewhere - how can school work possibly matter when you've lost your best friend? As his drama class prepare for their performance of HMS Pinafore, the responsibility of writing the music for the production - a responsibility which had previously lie in David's hands - is re-assigned. On instruction from the school principal, the drama teacher, although reluctant, agrees to hand the job over to a still-traumatized Chris. Knowing that his strong point within his band was never songwriting, Chris questions his own ability, as well as the rationale behind the Principal's instructions. Little does he know that his inner songwriter will soon come to light and not only pave the way for an amazing school production, but also come to terms with the loss of his best friend.

In the days to come, Chris receives what appears to be an insignificant package in the mail. Inside, he finds sheet after sheet of unfinished music, accompanied by a note. "I wanted everything to be perfect. It wasn't", it reads. An enormous stone drops right there and then. Heaving as he races to the bathroom, with the horrible truth swirling in his head, Chris begins to scrutinize both the note and the reasoning behind David's suicide. Should he tell everyone? Or should he keep it to himself? How could he possibly break the news to David's parents?

Eventually, the genuine circumstances surrounding David's death are made apparent. Almost as if he had died all over again, nobody can quite believe or understand it. Principal Verdell, who had promised to hold a memorial service at the school, is told to re-think his plans of "promoting suicide". Angered that Verdell has gone back on his word, Chris is expelled for smashing a window in his office. To make the situation worse, his father takes away his only means of escape - his guitar. No guitar, no songwriting. No songwriting, no HMS Pinafore. Life seems to be on a downward spiral for Chris, but can he climb back up before it all ends in tears?

VERDICT: ★★★★

Amazing performances, a tearjerking plot, a fantastic soundtrack. Permanent Record wholeheartedly deserves the cult status that clings to it. Why it is so overlooked is one of the many mysteries of the film world. One thing Permanent Record can be commended for is the non-1988 quality about it. It isn't brimming with dodgy fashions and music and dancing, neither does it commit the typical teen movie crime of depicting parents and adults as idiots. It's a movie with a big heart and big brains. The only real downer is the manner in which it rockets from sincere and depressing almost all the way through, to damn cheesy in the last scenes. But who cares? This is no action-packed, slapstick craziness, but a slow-paced, heartfelt display of human emotion among genuine characters and an unvarnished storyline. After School Specials eat your heart out!

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

Yet another out of print little gem!

1. Trash City - Joe Strummer
2. Baby The Trans - Joe Strummer
3. Nefertiti Rock - Joe Strummer
4. Nothin' Bout Nothin' - Joe Strummer
5. Theme From Permanent Record [Instrumental Score]
6. 'Cause I Said So - The Godfathers
7. Waiting On Love - Bodeans
8. Wishing On Another Lucky Star - J.D. Souther
9. All Day And All Of The Night - The Stranglers
10. Something Happened - Lou Reed

Tex [1982]

"His father's gone. His mother's a memory. His brother's moving on. But Tex McCormick isn't giving in."

Tex McCormick (Matt Dillon) is almost sweet sixteen and living with his eighteen year old brother Mason (Jim Metzler). Their father has left them and driven off to join the rodeo, their mother has died, and they're struggling to get by. Mason has dreams of becoming a big basketball star and going to college in Indiana, but knows he has responsibilities to take care of Tex, which is proving to be a difficult task since they don't even have any money to pay the bills. Stuck for cash and with nobody to turn to, Mason takes it upon himself to sell Tex's horse, which causes a the brothers to fight.

The Tulsa State Fair has arrived and Tex and best friend Johnny (Emilio Estevez) tag along, stirring up trouble on the ferris wheel before running into Johnny's sister and the apple of Tex's eye, Jamie (Meg Tilly). Dared to have his palms read, Tex reluctantly makes a visit to the fortune teller, who assures him not to change no matter how many changes the next year brings him. The most hard to stomach of all the fortune teller's words, however, is that he won't ever retrieve his prized horse. Disappearing for most of the evening, Tex staggers home drunk and miserable after being at a party with Johnny and his brother Bob. The next morning, they get a rather unfriendly visit from Johnny's dad, telling the brothers to keep away from his kids and blaming them for the night of drinking, threatening to inform state welfare about their situation at home. Mason comes down hard on Tex, telling him to keep out of trouble to avoid a confrontation with social workers.

With his brothers' words going in one ear and out the other, Tex ends up in the principals office that very same day for setting fire to his assignment in class, the principal showing quite an interest in the McCormick home life. Lucky not to be suspended, Tex goes bragging to an uninterested Johnny about his antics, leading to a brief fall out between the two friends.

The next hurdle is when Mason falls ill and is instructed to avoid stress as it'll only worsen his condition. It proves easier said than done when he and Tex pick up a hitchhiker who pulls a gun out on Mason while Tex is left in the drivers seat. Spotting a police car behind them, they veer off the road as Mason wrestles with the gun wielding escaped prisoner. By the skin of their teeth, the brother's manage to prevent a potential tragedy and their exploits earn them a spot on the local news. To the surprise of both Tex and Mason, their TV appearance was by no means ignored and the next morning, their dad turns up on the doorstep, full of apologies. When made aware that Mason was forced to sell his brothers' horse, the three set out into town to retrieve him. The words of the fortune teller prove to be true when the new owners flat out refuse to negotiate, insisting the horse is not for sale.

With Johnny and Tex friends again and pranks in steady supply, they are sent to the principal for their mischief and suspended for three days. But when Mason and his dad make an appearance for a meeting with the principal, they start to argue, accidentally blurting out a truth that Tex can't handle. He runs off, getting mixed up with a so-called friend and some underhand dealings, steering the naive fifteen year old straight into trouble and straight into the barrel of a gun.

VERDICT: ★★★ ½

Based on S.E. Hintons novel, Tex is another awesome story of teenage rebellion and the perfect role for Matt Dillon. Much like many book to film adaptations, the movie isn't completely true to the original story, which explains why many prefer the novel. That said, I enjoyed the film a lot and am one of the (very!) few who would opt towards watching this movie rather than Rumble Fish, another S.E. Hinton adaptation starring Matt Dillon.

One slight nitpick is the role of thirty year old Jim Metzler, who - no matter how greater actor - can't pass for a teenager at all. Other than that, Tex is an enjoyable, not-so-Disney flick and the first ever role for Emilio Estevez, who became a favourite of S.E. Hinton's. Those who dislike the movie have been known to brand it as 'boring', but honestly.. Shootouts, fights and car chases? Boring my arse.

IMAGES/VIDEOS: [movie clip]

SOUNDTRACK:

None available.